It Was Always You

Chapter 24: Heart to Heart

It's been a few days since that night. I haven't seen either of the boys, which is good. Despite having made a decision on the matter, my courage was lacking. I had no faith in myself when it came to telling them my answer. Seeing as what went down between them, I feel like I will just make things worth.

I played with the engagement ring around my finger, and sighed. I should really take this off... I looked at it once more, and decidedly took it off. I placed it on my desk, in my office. Despite all that was happening, my decision to choose myself included still doing my job. Truthfully, I was busying myself so that I wouldn't have to tell them anything. But I knew that I would have to soon. I glanced down at the sheets of music I was helping one of the producers with. Alright (Y/N) let's finish this. I soon through myself into my work, forgetting about the situation, that being my routine for the past few days.

As soon as the clock hit 2 a.m. I was on my way to the parking garage to meet Ren, to head to Jihyo's place. I was humming one of the songs that I was working on, my own personal project, and was very proud with the progress I had made despite all the other work that I was doing. When I saw Ren, I smiled and waved. He smiled back, and started the car. As soon as I was in we were off.

"What's got you so happy?" Ren laughed.

"Nothing," I said smiling widely.

"Ha, sure, Noona. Tell that to the big smile on your face!"

"Ara, ara, I'll tell you. I'm working on my own song. It's not done, but I was hoping to show it to your pd-nim as soon as it was done, get some advice on it."

"Well I hope he chooses it for our group then, I would love to sing one of your songs Noona."

I giggled, "Well I'm glad you think so highly of me."

"Anything for you."

As soon as we got to Jihyo's complex, Ren dropped me off outside. I waved goodbye and headed up the stairs to Jihyo's place. When making my ascent I noticed a figure at the top of the staircase and stopped in my tracks. Gyu... I stared for a bit, before he finally seemed to notice that I was home. As soon as he started to approach I took a few steps back. He stopped in his tracks.

"(Y/N)...please.."

He's pleading, you need to talk to him. He looks like shit... "You look like shit." I mentally smacked myself for saying that outloud.

He chuckled, "I'm glad you're doing okay. That's all I really wanted to make sure of."

I looked down at the ground, "Gyu...I-"

"Don't say anything. It's okay. I understand. I've been an asshole, and honestly I don't deserve you.." his voice started wavering, "I really do love you, and I would be crazy, crazy not to fight for you. But, all I really want is for you to be happy."

I balled my fists as I watched his tears fall. I couldn't help myself as I closed the distance between us, and hugged him tight.

"Gyu, thank you. Thank you for loving me when he didn't, thank you for wanting my happiness. Thank you for just caring. But," I pulled away and grabbed the engagement ring, I had taken off just hours ago, "I do care for you, but I don't think it would be right for me to marry you. And before you jump to any conclusions. I am not choosing Aaron either. I jumped into our relationship thinking that I could be happy with someone new. But I think that I need to be happy with myself first before anything. I know after all this I can't just ask you to be friends, but I'm hoping that if you are willing to, we can be?"

He took the ring, and smiled sadly, "I understand. Thank you, too. For telling me. I hope we can still be friends as well. I'll drop off the rest of your stuff when I can..."

I gave an encouraging smile, and hugged him tight once more, before he left. Before heading into Jihyo's place, I grabbed my phone and dialed Aaron's number. I should do this while I still have the courage to. It didn't even ring once before he picked up, but my heart was already starting to beat fast.

"(Y/N)-"

"Meet me at the studio in 15 minutes," I hung up immediately, before I lost my courage.

I headed for the street corner and hailed a cab. I tried to calm my heart on the ride back to the Pledis. I don't know why I'm overthinking this. I just talked it out with Sunggyu, this should be no different... I took a deep breath, and closed my eye placing my hand on my chest. Calm down, you'll be fine. I hope... As soon as I opened my eyes the cab had arrived, time seeming to move faster in my panic. I paid the driver and headed into the building, going straight to the boys' studio. When I arrived, the lights were already on. I knew that he had arrived before me. I stopped at the door and hesitated. Why am I hesitating? Just go! I braced myself and pushed the door open. I noticed a nervous looking Aaron on the couch in the studio, as I entered. He looked right up at me, as soon as I walked in.

"(Y/N)..."

I stopped him, "Let me speak first, before I hear you out."

He looks like shit too. I took a deep breath again. "Look, I talked to Sunggyu and I told him that I wasn't going to marry him. That doesn't mean I'm picking you, though. I want to be happy Aaron and I think I need to be okay on my own first before I jump into a relationship. I really cared about Sunggyu, and if I'm finally being honest with myself I still love you. But I don't think that I can be with either of you. I need you to understand that I want to be happy, and I have to do that on my own. I don't expect you to be okay with this decision but I do expect you to respect it. And in all honesty what you're feeling right now, will fade. It probably isn't real anyway."

Tears pricked my eyes, Why is this more painful? "A-And, I know that you'll find someone way better anyway, so it's okay in the end..." Teas slipped out.

"Are you done?"

I nodded slowly, and as soon as I did his soft hands were cupping my face and his lips were on mine. My eyes went wide, and when he pulled away he looked straight into my eyes. He leaned his forehead against mine, and smiled.

"I don't care if you believe me or not, but I've been an idiot (Y/N). From the get go. I couldn't understand my feelings for you, so I pushed them aside and tried to date other girls. But that moment at graduation, no even before that. The minute you first kissed me, everything started becoming clearer. But I was still too stubborn to admit anything, so I was a dick to you, and ended up pushing you away. And even when you came back with him, I was so blinded by the jealousy I felt that I ended up being an even bigger dick than before you left. But that night that I kissed you in the parking lot, I finally admitted to myself that I am so god damn in love with you. And I know that you don't want to jump anything, and I will respect that. So I'll just say this. I'll wait for (Y/N), because it was and always will be you who I choose."

I was stupidly smiling while tears fell down my face, as I nodded. He hugged me tight, pulling away and kissing my forehead.

"I hope you mean what you just said, because I'll hold you to it, when the time is right," I chuckled through my tears, "Because to me it was always you, as well."

We stood in each other's arms, like nothing else mattered. Even though I was crying, I knowingly smiled. I knew that from now own I would be truly happy.