Title: Seth Hayes and the Naked Girl
Author: ForeverAislinn_
Summary: Infamously cool, Seth Hayes is at the top of his game. Girls line up to be with him and he’s got respect from all the guys. There’s just one problem. He’s heartbroken. Audrey Collins has everything a girl could wish for: looks, money, and a rich hot guy chasing after her who she's supposed to marry. There's only one problem. She hates Micah Karim more than words can describe. Finding Seth Hayes is perfect, a guy who is too hung up on his ex-girlfriend to fall in love with her. All she wants is to break free from her mother's expectations and the arrangement with Micah. The answer? Seth Hayes. She can use him and be used, plus it helps that he's cute. What will she do when she ends up falling in love with the real, shy and sweet Seth Hayes?
Review: To be honest, I really wasn’t expecting much from this story after reading the summary. I had the “oh-it’s-this-high-school-cliché” feeling, but was looking forward to finding the unique twist you would put in to make your story different from the others.
So I read on.
Personally, after reading the first paragraph, I found Seth to be a bit on the immature side. I also did not get the impression that he was the type of person who just dates anyone and who can really flirt with girls. He seems too not innocent, but too sweet for that. However, as I read on I was blown over by the brilliance of this chapter. From the natural dialogue to your humorous and relatable characters, I enjoyed it immensely. The second chapter was even better. I especially enjoyed reading about the dad. He’s simply so adorable. You have excellent character development and dialogue so I applaud you for that!
Although I did enjoy your story, I didn’t read all of the chapters. I did thoroughly have a good laugh and was able to connect to your characters, but right now, it’s still a bit on the typical side to me—like I don’t see anything particularly special about it. It kind of reminds me of many of the Korean dramas I’ve watched where the rich girl is engaged to another rich guy, but hates that guy and decides to become a rebel and date someone else that A) she knows her parents won’t approve of or B) a guy who will never fall for her. Then she ends up falling in love with him and things get complicated. Basically, what I’m trying to say right now is that your story is predictable. Maybe you’ve established your unique twist somewhere in the five chapters I haven’t read, but right now I can kind of see where the story is going.
It has a lot of potential—it just needs a final push that makes it different.
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The Critique
Non-FictionI'm just like the rest of you. A normal person who just loves to write and read. But the thing is, writing can never be perfect and there are many writers out there who want their work to be at least 99.99% amazing. Here I critique stories; I may be...
