The Critique

7 Over 7-I-am-enigma

Title: 7 Over 7

Author: I-am-enigma

Review:

Your story had a great start, it pulled me right in. But one thing particularily bothered me...

I like ice cream

I am cool

I said hello

I am amazing

I I I I I I I I I I

All those 'I's! Ok, it wasn't as bad as my example but you had some overuse of the 'I's. Don't worry, I do it too...A LOT. That's why I have an editor; another person who can look over my work to make sure it's good and amazing. I suggest you get one too, it doesn't hurt to have another pair of eyes rather than your own to make sure you caught everything.

Next, I'm confused about the characters. It's a bit hectic since you introduced them so quickly, I was like, "Wait, what? This is so and so and who is who...?" You don't want your readers to stare at the screen for hours trying to figure out who is who; you want them to sit back, relax, and read your story, and maybe comment, vote, fan, etc. But anyway, you should SLOW DOWN, don't worry, we're all enjoying the read...(ha get it, enjoying the ride, enjoying the read? Hhaha! No? Oh, well I thought it was funny)

To sum up, your concept and ideas are GREAT. I love myster/suspense and adventure stories so I'm enjoying this :) Great job, but watch out for those:

I love you

I love me

I love everyone

I I I I I I

and those

This is Damion

This is Alyssa

This is Me

This is You

This is so and so

And you get what I'm saying.