The Critique

The Craters in the Moon--jetaime26

Title: The Craters in the Moon

Author: jetaime26

Summary: Arden Gray: A catty, beautiful, endlessly underestimated teenage girl drowning in a crippling tidal wave of depression. She spends more time in the realm of books than reality, and struggles to keep her head above water as her world seemingly comes crashing down around her.

Lucas Riverton: The seventeen year old boy in the awkward stage between child and adulthood, who works at a local bookstore as a means of escape. He barely knows Arden, but is positive that there is something about her, something he wants to devote the rest of his life to figuring out.

Two worlds connect in an unfathomable force as young lovers relish in the discovery of a feeling that is beyond description--- and do everything in their power to prevent the inevitable destruction of it.

Review:

I enjoyed certain aspects of the story and in other parts I was disappointed. I didn’t enjoy the first couple chapters of the story. Actually, scratch that, I didn’t like Arden. She didn’t really come across to me as a genuinely depressed person. I feel like you made her seem too miserable and that impression was being shoved into my face. You have to make your characters more genuine; you did an excellent job with Lucas—he’s unique and perfect the way you described him. But Arden is way too sour. Not just lemon sour, but like vinegar. She doesn’t seem like a real person to me.

I disagree with a lot of the critiques you’ve received in the comments of your story. I think your story is great. Sure, the attitude and situation of the main character is not ideal or pleasant, but overall, the storyline is good. And ok, I can’t stand it when people say this is cliché, that’s cliché, everything is cliché, like honestly, EVERY situation is based on something that has happened before. But every story is a different story and tells a different tale. So yeah, Lucas and Arden went to a coffee shop together and she felt jittery, she had a different feeling. So who cares if this has been repeated so many times? This is what we see happening, this is where our ideas stem from—other stories we’ve read, people we’ve seen, if they’re saying your coffee shop scene is cliché then everything that happens in a book must all be cliché because all authors base their storyline on something.

Sorry about the rant, I just had to make that one thing clear.

I like the overall story; it’s going in a good direction. Arden just needs a bit more authenticity. She needs to seem really genuine in the way you portray her. Keep working, you’re doing great.