Title: Step Sisters and Softball Fields
Author: SummerGirl33
Summary: 2 girls, 1 game. That's what brings these families together. Brought together by the love of a game and an online dating website- teammates Arielle and Sabrina find themselves not only on the same team, but living under the same roof as each other. 2 years apart, Arielle is the older sister Sabrina has only dreamed about and Sabrina the younger sister only Arielle wished she could trade in a brother for. The girls learn a lot about family, love, life and each other as their time under the same roof gets longer and their bond gets stronger.
Review: I absolutely adored your story.
It was quirky and cute and drew me in right away. I like the uniqueness of the theme, focusing on the two girls’ relationship as friends as I feel that that aspect is so underrated.
Your characters are very well-developed. I loved Ari—she seems to be a passionate player and leader who cares a lot about those around her J Sabrina was also an likable character as well. I loved how you played with the dialogue; you made it seem quite natural and like a real conversation.
I had two small things that gave me an itch: At one point Sabrina’s middle name was Lauryn then it changed to Andrea in Chapter 8. That was a bit confusing and made me mix the characters up for a second. I had to go back and check. And second, don’t overuse the all-caps in dialogue. I get that Ari is shouting at her friends, but I feel like she wouldn’t actually be yelling that loudly to those people that visited her, you know?
Otherwise, this was simply excellent. Adding your story to my reading list and looking forward to reading more!
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The Critique
Non-FictionI'm just like the rest of you. A normal person who just loves to write and read. But the thing is, writing can never be perfect and there are many writers out there who want their work to be at least 99.99% amazing. Here I critique stories; I may be...
