Title: The Edge of Honour
Author: story234
Summary: Morgan and Gorran had never dreamt of working for the CIA or MI5 and why would they? However, when the two young teenagers discover that they possess super powers, they vow to use their gift to protect their countries. They are blissfully unaware of the kidnappings, shoot-outs and betrayal that lie in their wake. Morgan and Gorran are on The Edge of Honour, but a single false move could send them hurtling into oblivion.
Review: Let’s begin with the summary. As I’ve said in many other reviews, your summary is the second way to entice a reader to click on your book. To be honest, your summary sounds a bit elementary to me. I think you could benefit from using a rhetorical question at the end to make it sound more mysterious and compelling. Also, I would take out the “why would they” at the end of the first sentence—it sounds unprofessional.
As I first started your story, the first thing that struck me was the huge, intimidating paragraphs waiting for me to read. It could be just me, but I have this uncontrollable pet peeve of large paragraphs. To make it easier for readers to read, I would split them up a little. They’re definitely way too long and bulky.
On the bright side, you have pretty much impeccable grammar! I didn’t really catch anything that impeded my ability to read your chapter through. Also, your characters are relatable which made me, as a reader, more eager to continue reading.
However, the flow. My goodness, sweetheart, please speed it up a little bit. I checked how many parts your story is and saw it was 50, which is way over what I usually limit my selectees but too late. But nevertheless, I really think you should pick up the pace a little. Even after I was finished the first chapter, I was honestly like “Finally! Finished one chapter!” instead of “OMG, MUST READ MORE,” so obviously, it wasn’t flowing fast enough to capture my attention fully.
Just a quick side note: I think you should have your cover redone. Honestly, no matter how many times people say “Don’t judge a book by its cover” I do, we all do. It’s unappealing and unattractive to me, personally, and based on some of the comments I’ve read below your first chapter, I find that they agree with me as well. There are many amazing cover makers on Wattpad! I suggest checking out some of those threads J
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The Critique
SaggisticaI'm just like the rest of you. A normal person who just loves to write and read. But the thing is, writing can never be perfect and there are many writers out there who want their work to be at least 99.99% amazing. Here I critique stories; I may be...
