Bruised (Completed)

Chapter 38

Day in day out hours are spent with ordinary tasks such as doing groceries and the laundry, Namjoon helping wherever he can. The tall street artist is good company, well-spoken, smart and eager to learn, asking me to teach him English for both our benefits: my attention gets distracted from the arrest and he broadens his knowledge whilst also being focused on something else than the current situation with his best friend. Unfortunately, he is not the best at cooking so that task is still left to me.

Night after night lying among the pillows, face buried in Tae's that is still scented with ylang-ylang and eyes refusing to close in fear of missing that one important call telling me the father of our child goes out free, that artháir has kept his word. Nevertheless, the worry despite the promise remains present and taints every moment, even this tranquil one at the dining table over a cup of apple-cinnamon tea, a shared favourite with the best friend serving as a guardian, as the uncommon mid-spring rain ticks against the windows.

'You know,' I begin to lighten the gloomy atmosphere, which just does not seem to want to blow over in spite of everything that is done to keep life flowing with normalcy, additionally burdened by the overcast sky looming over the city, 'We want to name our child after you, if we get a son.'

A sip of the warm beverage, a questioning look meeting mine over the edge of the tall ceramic snow white mug. 'And you have no problem with that, that your son is named after a man who is a former criminal like your husband?'

A sense of shame tints the answer given after a taste of the comforting hot drink, although it is not meant to harm. 'At first and if we had never met, yes. However, you and Taehyung are much alike, both good caring men who have withstood multiple hardships yet did not turn out worse.'

'He turned to drinking, abuse and rape,' the train yard's wiseman across the table reminds me of the beast lurking beneath the skin of the tanned young man who is held dear nonetheless. A strange thing to repeat, considering the gravity of the problem at hand and also the mere second notion of it.

'And yet during everything, he has never stopped loving me. You said so yourself.' The dark knowledgeable eyes staring back at the grey stormy ones, uncomprehending of where this suggestion comes from and asking for an explanation for what is truly said.

However, they do not even have to inquire before they observe in the gaze meeting them it is not a painful remark referring to the animal within, but that it is meant to make the mind realize once again how far he has come and how one can change permanently for the one they hold dear.

Even now that the ghosts of the old days have returned to continue their haunting.

He did this for me, protected us from the person who was supposed to properly raise him yet failed and created the abomination sleeping underneath the sun-kissed skin, the monster I gave myself to and which controlled the hands doing terrible things, the same hands that are a comfort whenever they are sober. Withal, the beast lives no longer, murdered with the last hideous crime.

I'm sorry. I love you. Forgive me.

There was no other way.

'I have, and that is what you need to remember when you are being restless. Stress isn't good for the baby nor for you. Everything is going to be alright, Alistaire. We have to believe that because the other end of the spectrum is too terrifying to even think of. Imaginary, real or not, is the last line of defence against reality. So let's keep on dreaming and hope those dreams become real, without thinking about the negatives.'

And at that moment, it is as clear as the bright winter sky why Taehyung has been with Namjoon all this time. There is comfort in the wisdom and a lesson at the same time, advice hidden beneath the poetry of the spoken words. If we are to have a son, hopefully he can also take some away from the man he is named after. Our daughter could as well.