Camila/You - Saving you

Chapter 3

Saving you – Chapter 3

A/N: Okay I feel like this is a super heart breaking chapter. Well at least I tried to make it very emotional, I hope it worked because a writer that can not make his readers emotional is not a great author and should stop writing so yeah. Anyway here's the chapter, just like I promised, I hope you'll like it.

Your point of view.

I needed to get away from there, to run away from Camila after what had just happened. As I walked in the streets I came face to face to a few walkers there and then each one more horrible than the other. I plunged a knife in each one of their scalps and took for once a real pleasure as I did so. I had to kill each single one of them as I needed a wait to let my anger and rage unleash. The last one I met didn't have any luck considering that I had kept hitting up again and again and again until his whole head was now completely pulp. That had given me the opportunity to allow myself to unwind fully without holding back. I was mad at myself for letting Camz get to me so much. I shouldn't care what she said or how the way she saw me because she was supposed to be nothing to me but I couldn't help it. I knew perfectly where I needed to be at this exact second, my feet knew the way by heart even if I hadn't set a foot at that place for a long time already considering that I didn't dare coming back. I found my way very easily through the night light and stopped when I finally reached the fence I had been looking for. I had built it there myself so that no walker and no human could ever set a foot inside. I unlocked all the padlocks and opened the little grid finally letting myself get inside. I walked slowly, my feet unsure as I got closer to what I had been so scared of seeing again. I knelt in front of the stone and my eyes darted up to meet the letters of my sister's name that were engraved on the stone. This was supposed to be her grave and even though I knew her body wasn't there, I felt like I could talk to her from there and right now I needed to talk, I needed to let everything I was feeling out.

"Hey Mel...I know it's been a while since I last came here but it was just...too hard. But right now I need you..I need to talk to you." I stammered slowly scratching the back of my neck uncomfortably. "I don't know if you are aware of it but I'm doing my best to keep the promise I made you. I'm doing my best to survive but it's so hard without you baby girl. I...uhm....saved this little girl today, hoping that somehow it will allow us both to forgive me but...I didn't work, I hate myself even more than before because I just keep hurting the little girl. Her name is Sofi and I'm pretty sure you would have liked her but she thinks I hate her. She has every reason to think so you know, since I've been practically telling her so from the moment I met her." I chuckled at my last sentence as if I was telling myself that I had no right to wonder why she thought I was hating her but my face quickly became serious again as I frowned. "You know why I'm doing that right? You know that my heart can't take another break huh? Because if someone breaks it one more time you know I won't have the strength to keep fighting and I would end up breaking my promise to you and that's the last thing I want. But...but Mel she is so sweet and she reminds me of you so much. She has your eyes...your wonderful brown eyes...that I used to stare at all the time...Sometimes I just want to hug her and spend some time with her because she kind of could be my new...She could be my new you. And it's so hard not to do so babe. It's so fucking hard.." I trailed off before sniffing slowly as I didn't have the strength to fight against my tears anymore. Right then and there was the only place and moment I could let myself go and let my emotions run freely. They were no acting right now, no lies, just me baring my soul and hand over my heart to the so called spirit of my dead sister. “And then there is her sister, Camila. She scares the crap out of me... She is capable of seeing right through the depth of my eyes and study my soul. But I keep hurting her too. I keep hurting her to make her hate me even if deep down I hate the idea of having her hate me cause she...she makes me feel things I shouldn't feel and it's scary. So i keep pushing her away but she keep coming back to me and I hate it cause every time she does so I have to be even more bitchy and I hate that." I explained as I let my tears fall softly on my shirt. I couldn't care less about crying right now I was pouring my heart out and I knew that I'd feel better after it. "You know what I told her today? I told her that I would have let her sister die and...god you should have seen the look on her face...it was as if I had just stabbed her in the heart a thousand times. It's at that second I knew that even if I shouldn't I cared about her my heart didn't want to listen to me." A small ironic laugh escaped my mouth as I pronounced my next words. "I can't believe it...it's been 7 months that I have built this wall around my heart to prevent myself from having soft spots for anyone and it took Camila and Sofi two fucking minutes to make it shatter into a million of pieces." I explained shaking my head in disbelief realizing the absurdity of the thing I was complaining about but a new tear drop made it's way to my cheek as I spoke up one more time. "I feel vulnerable around them, just like I felt vulnerable around you. And my vulnerably is what...got you...it's what got you killed. It's what makes that you are..." I paused letting out a loud sob as I let my head fall to my hands. "it is what makes that you are probably wandering now, as undead, although you asked me yourself to put a bullet through if you were to get turned." I said squeezing my eyes shut trying to block the memory but with no success. As I finally reopened my eyes I was wearing a broken expression. "I don't want that to happen to them too. I won't survive it if it does. Feelings are my greatest weakness and I know that if I don't block my feelings for them, I won't be able to protect them." I said angrily. "That's not even logical. I'm confused. I don't want to care about them so that it won't break my heart if I loose them and I don't want to care about them so that I'll be able to protect them...I'm not even making any sense." I laughed softly. "You see that's how much they have an effect on me." I said slowly as I looked down at the floor before finally meeting the letters I had engraved on the stone. "That's why I need you with me Melissa...You...You used to always know what to do when it came to feelings...because you had a special way to see things...To you, feelings were all that mattered, the rest didn't...And right now, I really need you to tell me to act on my feelings because I know I won't do it if you don't do that, even if I want to. I remember your words Mel, I remember you telling me not to let myself get lost without you...But I am lost, I can't see the end of this neither can I see its point without you." I explained fighting to keep talking as the tears and the sobs made it quite difficult to do so. "I miss you little sister. Please come back to me” I begged slowly falling on my knees in front of the stone. “I need you." I breathed out before letting myself fall completely to the floor and sobbing uncontrollably as I set myself in a fetal position in front of my sister's tombstone.