illuminate s.m

[1.21] christmas break

christmas break

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     After John died, Christmas was the hardest time to cope. It had only been me, him, and mom since I was a kid, and I don't remember a Christmas where my dad was in the picture. Suddenly it was just me and my mom, and it was just sad. Christmas became something I dread every time it comes sneaking, and still to this day – with Christmas eve – it hurts to sit down at the table in mom's apartment, just the two of us.

I remember how we used to wake up in our small home in Liverpool, with a happiness unlike anything else. My mom used to save money and goods for a couple months in advance to be able to buy us Christmas gifts. It was everything to me back then, now I only wish for John to come back.

Since this is the first year I'll be celebrating Christmas while I live by myself, we decided that we should at least celebrate the dinner at her place. My house would seem too big for just the two of us, and it would make it all even lonelier than it is. The evening goes by quite normally without anything special, and we just relax and eat dinner.

The next morning is more exciting, because mom and I have only given experience gifts for one another for the last three years, and I'm excited for the one this year. I usually don't care too much about gifts, but it's nice to know that people care, and send you a thought for Christmas. There's not much special this year, but from friends and family, people have gathered up and bought me a set of matching plates and other serving stuff, which all seems expensive. I could have managed with my IKEA serving sets, but I guess it's nice to have something for nicer events or days.

My mom's gift for me is a trip to the US whenever I can make room for it, and it's mainly to visit my grandparents in Tallahassee. I've been wanting to go for months, but I've never had time, so the gift gives me an excuse to go there. I love it, because my mom truly knows how much it meant to me. After we open gifts, we eat a delicious breakfast, before we sit down and watch a few Christmas movies. I end up spending the day at my mom's place, and I go home in the evening.

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The clock is 12 on the 27th of December, and we're all sitting in a meeting room, attending this year's last meeting. It's nothing big, and it's really just a symbolic meeting to wrap up the year that has passed. We're eating a cake and drinking coffee while we sum up the good and bad things. We write a list of things to improve in the new year and we all sign it for the humorous sake of it.

We're about to wrap up the meeting and I get the last say. I haven't really prepared anything, but I guess that makes it all more genuine. You'll do good. No one here takes this seriously, it's just nice to know people care. I clear my throat and prepare myself. "Eh, it's been a big year with lots of work and stressful times, but we've all managed to pull through, and I know I couldn't have done that without all of you." I smile and take Jasmine's hand because she's seated next to me. "I've never had a big family around me, but now I do, and I'm very thankful for all of you, and all you do for me. Thank you." I can't find more words to say, and with that said, the meeting is over, and people are saying their goodbyes to one another.

"Adria. Could we have 5 minutes more with you in the end?" Nick asks, and I nod before saying goodbye to most people. Finally, me, Jas, Nick, and the owner of the management company – Kurt Sanderson – are sitting in the room alone. There seems to be a tension in the room that I can't understand or connect with, and I am extremely confused, even when Nick starts talking. "For the last matter of this meeting, I think we should talk about Shawn." My eyes widen in surprise. We never talk about him in these meetings, and I have a bad feeling because of the seriousness in Nick's tone.