illuminate s.m

[1.3] release

release

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The next few days passes by like crazy and before I know it the date is 1. June and I'm sitting beside mom, Jas and Nick in my sofa waiting for my album to release. It is only a minute till the album is out and my whole mind is running wild, thinking about all the possible reactions and outcomes from this. What if nobody likes my music? What if the tabloids hat it and slaughter me and the release? What if people don't come to my shows because they hate it? My career. What if it is over now because I suck at this? Then I have nothing left. Yes, sure. I could live of my money for quite a few years but no it wouldn't be right. What if I disappoint everyone? I can't disappoint John now. Okay. Try to take it easy. Don't make the others afraid. It's okay, I can do this.

"Hey! It's out!" Nick cheers. I look down at my watch and see that the time is 12.00. now it's out for everyone to listen to and I can't take it back. I pick up my phone from the table and I hesitate before scrolling through twitter. #TrueStories is already trending on twitter and I see that it is mostly people looking forward to it. No one has commented it yet because they haven't had time to listen through it yet. I turn off my phone and decide to wait a few minutes to see what people are saying. For a few minutes we all sit there just looking at each other. The three others have smiles plastered across their faces and I guess that I look as pale as a ghost waiting for my doom. Suddenly my phone buzzes.

Message from Harold:

Hey love! Only listened to the first song, Better, and it is GREAT! Greetings from Lou who loves it as well! We're looking forward to the rest. Love, harry

A smile spreads across my face and I decide to reply to my friends later. Now I want to see what the others say. I tap the twitter icon and I'm met with a steady flow of people mentioning a song they like or advise others to hear. There is so much positivity and love, and I can feel my heart beating too fast for my own good. I feel something wet run down my cheek and I don't even bother brushing the tear away. I see a few comments about disappointing things but I couldn't care right now, most people like it so far. My fans don't hate me.

"Sooo?" It is Jas's voice that comes into my ear and I turn towards her with the happiest smile on my face. I give her my phone and she scrolls through twitter, showing it off to my mom and Nick. Soon I feel warm arms wrap around my waist and I know that it's my mom. She knows how much releasing new music scares me and I'm forever happy that she is here with us. I hug her back and I can feel myself crying into her shoulder.

"They like it. M-Mom, they like i-it." I hiccup as the tears flow down my cheeks. She tells me how round she is and tells me how much I deserve this. How I've earned it. Then I laugh and part ways with her. I laugh and cry of happiness while I hug Jas and Nick. They love it. Oh, holy shit. They like it. I did a good job. All the work was worth it. Happiness is the only word to describe how I feel. I feel a tap on my shoulder and there is Jas with a champagne bottle in hand.

"For after the concert. Thought a little celebration would be nice." I feel so happy and lucky and I can't put words on it. "There's some people coming to celebrate this. I won't tell you who but you should dress decent." I laugh at her comment at the end. A party. Parties can be nice if there is people you know and care about there and if Jas invited I think it should be quite good. "But we have to leave in an hour to get ready for the concert. Starts at 4 and you shouldn't be late." She tells me with a big smile. I hug her once again and over her shoulder I see my mom smiling and talking to Nick. I let out a relieved sigh as I stand there. Finally, I realise the situation and I scream out in happiness, probably hurting Jas's ears, but in this moment, I actually couldn't care less. Well there I sounded like the most horrible person ever.