illuminate s.m

[1.13] you're here

you're here

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After the festival in Norwich on the 1st, Shawn went to Liverpool for a show and some interviews there. I went straight back to London where I had a photoshoot for Calvin Klein. Over the summer, I've put working out on my priority list, because I figured out that going to the gym, but especially running helps my anxiety. Like I've pointed out I've always been quite confident in my body, but the last year has been tough and in periods, I haven't been able to find the energy to work out for weeks. Now, I have new routines for that and, fit it in most days. The impact on my body is not as big as my psych, but it too has changed, and I must say I feel more confident now. I wouldn't say I'm much skinnier, but more toned than before. Calvin Klein wanted me in an ad for "Loving your body", and I couldn't have been offered a better model job. I like the fact that I stand for something more than a sexy body, and I think that's why I along with a couple girls I've never heard about got the job for it.

I'm cleaning the last of my dining room when I get a notification that I need to drive to the train station. That means that Shawn will be in London in about 30 minutes, and that I need to be there to get him. I finish up the last chair in a minute, before I pick up the keys from a table in the hallway and I head out.

As I sit down in my car and drive towards the station, I turn on the radio and apparently NRJ is on. I hear the familiar tune of Just You from my first album and I immediately turn it up. I love listening to my own music because it means something to me. A tingling feeling appears in my stomach, like every time I hear my music being played. The first time it happened was when I was shopping with Nadine in Victoria's Secret, and I literally freaked out and bought too many things just as a gift to myself for coming that far. I laugh to myself at the memory.

After the drive to Victoria Station isn't the longest, but London traffic is shit and it takes forever just to go from one roundabout to the next. When I finally arrive, I see that I am five minutes late and I sigh annoyed as I park and lock my car. Making my way through the crowd, I find the timetable and see that he just arrived, and I figure out what platform to go to. On my way to 11, I hear people whisper my name, and before I reach my brunette friend, I've had about ten people coming up to me. I pray that paparazzi isn't here when I come with Shawn.

As I scan the less crowded area by entrance to the platform, I see a tall head with a mop of curls on top. He's looking down, but as soon as he looks up, our eyes meet, and he heads towards the gate to go out. When he passes, I want to fling myself in his arms, but remind myself that I saw him only a few days ago, and that there's a big crowd watching us, even though it isn't obvious. He makes the first move and wraps his arms carefully around me and I find myself returning the gesture. "Hi." I feel him mumble against my hoodie.

"Hi Shawn." I pull back with a smile and motion for him to follow me out of the station. "So... how was the ride?" I ask as we pass a group of girls holding up their cameras and yelping in excitement. I ignore them and keep my focus on making it to the car without being bombarded.

"It was great. A bit weird that John and Andrew weren't there, but it was good." I look up at his face towering over mine and I smile. There's something that makes me so happy about knowing that he's staying for over a week, and that he'll be around at all times. We're stopped by two girls that want our pictures and after we make their wishes come true, we finally manage to head out of the station and towards the short-term parking lot. "Who's picking us up?" Shawn asks me, and I look at him with a funny look and I don't answer. "Okay. Sure, don't answer." I hear him mutter.

I laugh at him and pick up the keys from my pocket. "I'm driving us." I open my car with the keys and I take Shawn's bag from him and bring it over to the back-doors where I stuff it in. Shawn looks at me with big eyes.