Collection of Poems

Feelings

I'm so tired
I'm tired of coming home to unrest and arguments
Listening to the arguments through the walls
Drowning myself in whatever I can find
Drugs and alcohol
Phones and sex
Social media and games
Just get me away from here
Drawing my feelings to life
Or writing them away
And then to compound
Memoirs resurface
Memories stir
And you enter my mind unbidden
I've been trying to push you back
Not forget
God no
But just to push you to the edge of consciousness
So I didn't have to live with the despair of living without you
But then I found the ring you gave me
And the bracelet we both wore
I saw a picture of you on my feed
And felt my heart crack again
I'm not sure how much more it can take before it shatters under the pressure
I went to school today
And I still subconsciously expected you to be there
And you weren't there
I was plugged into ice water
A shock to my brain
I wasn't really prepared
Not like I thought I was
The armor I wore
Iron, I thought, but all it was was paper
And you tore right through it
And through me