Collection of Poems

Pain of Conscious

There's a sickness in my head
It fucks me up
And leaves me for dead
And I remember everything that she said
Every last goddamn word
And I can remember why she said them, too
My failures and my fuck-ups
And I can never escape them
My mind taunts me during the day and the long hours of the night
Whether I'm awake or asleep, it's there
Waiting
Like a predator for it's prey
It's a weird feeling of betrayal, you know, when your mind makes you feel worse than the people around you
When your mind beats you down more than those bullies from so long ago
But they never really went away, did they?
They just don't hit with their fists and kicks anymore
Their words are plenty hard enough blows to leave me staggering
Or rather, the words left unspoken
For those can hurt even more
But you know what hurts even more, even though it makes sense?
When you're in my mind and still can't see the wounds
Why should I expect that from you, when I never let it be known why I hurt so bad
I'm a hypocritical paradox
And as such, I can never be solved.
For if I can't figure myself out, how could someone else do it?
I don't know anymore