Collection of Poems

Depression's Secret

Depression is a little weird
A little different than other diseases
It infects
And affects
It hurts
And it changes
I miss who I used to be
When smiles were real
And laughing felt easy
When being social didn't scare me
And isolation felt uncomfortable
But here I am
Laying in the dark alone
Crying myself to sleep
This person I wish I wasn't
But I guess I haven't really tried to change
Or considered who I really want to be
I just don't want to be me
I don't want to exist
And that's just how it is
It's interesting, to me, how I've built myself up
I have a strong wall
Strong enough even to support others
Whilst also blocking them out  
But on the inside, it supports nothing
Pillars of salt and sand upon which my will to live stands
Blown over by a gust
Weak and fragile
Yet strong on the outer side
I should probably make a door
To let someone in
But I'm scared
What if I let them in and they start tearing down the foundations
I've built them up for so long
To have then suddenly dissipate would be devastating
The trauma might be necessary
A shock to life
But still I'm scared
No
I'm fucking terrified
That somebody might see these dark corners inside my mind
And they would realize the thoughts I live with on the daily
And realize the truth
That I should be put down
Like an animal
I should be slaughtered
For the betterment of humanity
I should not live
And as much as I want that to happen
I'm scared to let anyone in
I'm weak
I'm soft
And I'm sorry
My cowardice will cost you dearly