Collection of Poems

A Dream

It's an odd feeling, feeling yourself fall away
Drugs for blood, alcohol in my mind
I feel so light
Like I could just fly away
But then I see it
That face
Smiling through the darkness
I remember the smile fading from my face
As I could only watch
As I saw you walk in front of him
And the blood spatter beautifully against the white tile
Crimson against ivory,
And although I normally wouldn't pair them together, it was entrancing
Your body hit the floor as I saw not a single person react
They were that far gone, I thought
I felt a prick of pain on my arm
And I looked down
And I couldn't understand
I was bleeding
And not just a drop of two
My wrist was drenched in blood
Running in rivulets over the bones of my wrist and hand
When I look at the other one and see the same
And feel the same pain
I see my thighs tinted red as well as my shirt.
And I realized what was happening
Just as the pain registered
Just as it all came into focus, a few moments of clarity of my senses
And I screamed
So loud
And no one heard me
It hurt so bad, my skin reopening
When all of a sudden, it was gone
And the blood was on the walls instead
I could sense something
Something different
And I somehow knew the blood was yours
Drained crudely from your limp body to splash across the walls like paint
And I felt sick
I stepped outside and collapsed onto the grass
The rolling hills in front of me
Or rather under me,
For the ground was shifting beneath me
And I couldn't think
I had to get away
But with how I was, where was I to go
I found a room in that house
Alone
Until I realized I wasn't
I remembered opening my eyes to look over and see someone
Not just someone
It was Mother
Hanging from the ceiling
Her body violently pale and her wrists pouring blood onto the carpet
I reached over to touch her and realized
Realized she was still warm
And I felt my stomach double back and rebound
The contents of my stomach were no longer there
But that didn't help
Its in my bloodstream
I need to get it out
I stumble into the bathroom
Sifting through drawer after drawer
Searching
"There you are" I think to myself
As the razor gleams in the light
The bite of it satisfying as it dips into my wrists
Slicing into my thighs
The blood runs free
Even on my sides
My self-hate and desperation fueling the hand behind the blade
I heard her laugh at my weakness
And I realized that she won
And I black out
Until God knows when
And I wish I had never woken up
But I did
I awoke to a darkness
Not even able to see the hand in front of my face
I heard no silent
A void
A vacuum
I knew not where I was but only where I was meant to be
And even that was a vague idea
The image of you plastered in my mind
Death clinging to you
Not a spark of life in your dull eyes
Once so bright, now dark like my surroundings
Splayed across the floor
The thought makes me shiver in revulsion