[Jeongcheol] donut shop

donut shop chapter 29

Jeonghan's POV

     I turned around, rushing off to find Chan, 'he can't know, he won't know', I repeated to myself over and over again like a mantra, until I spotted Seungcheol with him. I didn't care if anyone saw me crying, I didn't care if it was that bastard's birthday- I fucking didn't, I just wanted to get Chan out of this godforsaken hellhole, unknowingly putting him in the home of the person who would want him dead is the last thing I want to do. Once I got near them, Seungcheol was about to greet me until he noticed the tears, his expression changed. It's rude to walk off without an explanation, but of all people, he didn't need one. I snatched my boy away from him, carrying Chan in my arms, "whoa, what's going on? What's wrong, babe?", I wanted to so badly burn him with those sarcastic remarks I've always put up, but to be honest, I couldn't say it, I just couldn't.

Everything just felt wrong right now, I ignored him, brushing his hands away from me, "Hannie appa what's going on?", I could hear Chan starting to whimper- we're getting out and away from here, that's what's happening. I held Chan closely, walking towards the exit, Seungcheol rushed towards me, trying to stop me, "what the hell's going on?", he asked exasperatingly- I didn't dare stop, "Cheollie appa!", Dino started to cry. "Han, stop! Chan's crying- ", I scoffed bitterly still trying to get away... as if he actually cared, there was so much I wanted to let out, so much anger, sadness, doubt, but I had to be careful, I couldn't let Chan know, not yet at least. Eventually, I expected the day would come where I had to tell Chan the truth, but Seungcheol gave me hope... he gave Chan happiness like he said he wanted to do, but what he said was all fucking lies. I didn't expect to tell the kid his father didn't actually love him or me, that he didn't mean anything through the time we've spend together. I sure as hell wasn't- even if I live through my life knowing that, I wasn't going to let Chan know such thing unless he really wanted too... I couldn't break his heart.

"Stop pretending!", I didn't mean to yell, I didn't want to scare Chan, but he didn't mean to love Chan, he didn't mean to love me, he didn't mean anything special at all- so I didn't see why I couldn't. "Hannie appa stop!", Dino cried and wheezed out, I finally reached the door, getting out. Fucking finally, Seungcheol stopped following us, then again... it was just another reason to lead up to know that he really never meant anything, that everything was in vain. I was still grasping onto that pathetic hope that maybe, just maybe it wasn't true- what Joo Min said was all complete bullshit that happened to be just a misunderstanding but... it just- I can't take any more chances that could hurt Chan when the only thing I've been doing is protecting him. I hailed for a taxi, the ride home was a nightmare, the only thing flooding my ears was Chan's uncontrollable crying, the sound I've always been trying to avoid.

After the taxi drive home, Chan was fast asleep, probably tired from all the crying, I felt bad for letting him experience that, but the important thing was that he wasn't in the same place as that man... at least he was asleep now, I really didn't want to have to explain all this bullshit to him. I tucked the boy in bed, I would tuck myself in too, but sure as hell I wouldn't be able to go to sleep. So many thoughts were running through my head, but something just felt wrong. This situation- almost like what happened to Cherri and Joo Min. I was just like Chan, but I knew, I knew what happened, why it happened, I knew it all. Maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal, but the mental scar it would leave would. The more I thought, the more I realized how much I was like Chan, what I'm trying to do... was I just trying to protect myself? No, I never ever want Dino to experience anything like that, anything that I had to go through.

I sat on the sofa, taking my glasses off, I sighed, messing my hair up from all the mixed emotions. There was just so much going on right now, maybe I'm being over dramatic or maybe not, I just needed time and sleep and maybe reassurance, but where the hell would I find that. Suddenly my phone exploded with messages and then phone calls, then more noises but it sounded like if it were banging from the outside. I got closer to the balcony, enough for me to hear muffled screams, I peeked out, as expected, seeing Seungcheol pacing around with his phone near his ear, banging the café doors every few seconds.

I hesitated, but answered the phone, "Jeonghan! Open the door, please!", he yelled in a tone causing me to lift my phone a bit, "will you quit banging on the damn door, your gonna wake up Chan!", I probably sounded stupid, how can I yell, how can I yell and mean it. "Han please, just-just tell me what's going on, this isn't like the Jeonghan I know- ", he wasn't here to see me cry so I didn't bother holding myself back. "You... you don't know me... you only knew the things I allowed you to know", hearing myself, it didn't sound fair, but what was fair right now?

"What the hell are you talking about- Jeonghan, Jeonghan you were crying then you took Chan away from me so fast... w-what's going on?", even if I couldn't see him, I knew he was balling out too, something we currently had in common.

"Stay away from Chan and don't you ever go near him again."