Chapter 29

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"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all." – Samuel Butler


I was jealous of Violet and that left a bitter taste in my mouth.


"You're jealous of Violet?" he asked incredulously. "That can't be right."


I bit the inside of my mouth, "It's true." Admitting that I was jealous of her stripped me of my pride.


Violet had something that I didn't and that made me envious.



She will get to have a baby and love them unconditionally.


She gets to give her baby their first hug and kiss.


She gets to be the first person to see him or her smile.


She gets to be their first role model and friend.




I was looking forward to sharing those special moments with Scarlett.


I wanted to be and give her everything possible.


-------I would have been a teen mom but I would have found a way to give her everything humanly possible.


I would have done anything for her.


I would have done anything to save her life.


"Violet isn't as fortunate as you are yet you're the one jealous of her," he laughed once. He probably thought this was some joke. "She doesn't have a home or family. She dropped out of high school at 16 and has no education. It's hard for her to find work. You're better off then she is, Mais."


"-----But she's going to have a baby, Levingston. Of course I'm jealous."


"Right," he sighed. "Scarlett."


Besides having a baby and spending months with my boyfriend, there was nothing else that made me envious of her.


Violet was me before I ever met Levi.


I shook my head back and forth, trying to hold back the tears I knew were surely forming. "It hurts knowing I won't have that with her."


Levi took my plate and his, leaning over the side of the mattress, placing it on the ground. He sat back up and reached for me, pulling me into his chest. He hugged me, dangerously close for comfort.

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