Gone Too Soon (Police Officer/Delinquent Relationship) BOOK 2

Chapter 21

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"What are you thinking about? Levi asked as he studied me, lying beside him.

I came home from school that day quiet and introspective.  I was thinking about my life and how I came to be in this very moment.

I turned my head to the right,  and tugged the blanket to cover my chest.

He sat upright, pressing his weight into his elbows and looked down at me. "What's going on in that head of yours, Mais? Talk to me."

My eyes focused on his. "Remember when we went on that hike in Saluda? There was something off 'bout you.---Makes me think your about to break up with me or something." I said so softly that someone would miss it if they weren't paying attention.

It's embarrassing to admit that you are insecure in your relationship.

I am, so, insecure.

It never made sense to me why he liked me so much.

"Your going to need to get over that, Mais. I'm never going to break up with you."

"How do you know?" I challenged.  "I--I'm trying everyday not to break up with your ass."

"What?" He laughed.

Everyday, I'm having to convince myself that I deserve him.

I have to tell myself that I deserve love even when I don't feel like no one should.

It's exhausting!

Everyday it's an ongoing battle!

I remember reading this article in a teen magazine one time where it talked about insecurity in relationships.  The relationship whisperer, or whatever she called herself, said that it's not up to you to decide whether someone falls for you or not. Or if you deserve for someone to fall for you or not.

Some people will love and that there will always people who judge that kind of love.

I judge myself.

I'm hard on myself.

I don't know how to make this relationship thing easier.

I don't know how I can get passed not feeling like I'm good enough for Levi.

Was Levi supposed to be my love?