Kiss Me, I'm Irish {An Artemis Fowl Fan Fiction}

Chapter 40: War- What Is It Good For?

Sorry about the HUGE delay once again. It's been a bit more difficult than I imagined to get back into the swing of things after the wedding. Once I finally got used to everything, then summer semester classes hit, and that added a whole new challenge. But... at any rate, I am hoping that I can get the last few chapters out in a more timely fashion. I don't really like this chapter, but... I hope you all enjoy it anyways! Thank you all for being so patient with me. <3

Oh... and Kat? Where's that one-shot? lmao Love you sis. :)

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Artemis felt the cold, Michigan air sting at his cheeks as he attempted to help Diana build up a defense for the pending snowball fight while Marisa and one of the cousins worked on making several dozen snowballs for ammunition. Artemis had never built anything in the snow to his remembrance- mainly because when it did snow in Ireland, he tried his hardest to avoid it. And so far, his abilities were showing it. Every time he touched anything, the snow just crumbled beneath him. Really, he thought he was just slowing Diana down; whenever he broke something, she would stop whatever she was working on, and fix his mistake. Right now, that something happened to be a well-fortified wall to protect them once the battle started.

Diana and her cousins had divided into two teams. For once, the teams were hardly fair. All of the older, more experienced kids were on one team, while the four youngest were on a team together. Usually the teams weren't so one-sided, but Marisa had argued since Diana and Artemis were like a packaged deal, someone was going to have to make up for his lack of snowball throwing skills. So far, that was being proven correct.

Artemis was once again attempting to build up a wall of moist snow, only to have it collapse beneath his hands. The boy sighed, feeling rather defeated by the whole process. "How do you have the patience for this?" he asked Diana.

Diana smiled as she stopped working on the right-hand side of the wall and moved over to the left side where Artemis had been working. "Believe me... I don't have the patience for this," she assured. "There's a reason I try not to do this more than once a year, and it's because I usually get ticked off while building a fort long before the snowballs start flying."

"I see why," Artemis sympathized, trying to pull his gloves up a little further to protect his wrists from the cold. "It seems like there's a lot of work for only a few minutes of battle."

Diana finally finished fixing the wall Artemis unintentionally destroyed. She looked at him, and smiled before saying, "Just don't touch anything else, mmkay? Just sit there and look cute."

Artemis wasn't quite sure how to take that remark, but shrugged it off. Diana had a point; everything he had touched so far had fallen apart. It was probably a good thing she had said that; with his luck thus far he probably would've destroyed the whole thing. He moved out of the way, being careful to not bump into any other structure in the process. Artemis found a mound of seemingly unused snow, and sat down on top of it, awaiting further instructions. He rested his head on his gloved hands, closing his eyes for what seemed like an eternity.

However, the calm, serenity Artemis was enjoying was soon ruined when he felt something cold and biting collide with his face. His eyes shot open, trying to figure out what had just happened. It was all too obvious he had been the victim of a sneak attack, of sorts; Artemis could feel the snow still caked to the side of his face, sticking to his hat and some of his hair. His eyes went cold as he began his search for who dared to start the war early. It only took him a few moments to spot the culprits; Diana's youngest cousins all huddled together, laughing uncontrollably.

"You guys are jerks, you know that?" Diana called out to them, brushing some of the snow off of Artemis' face. "You don't use sneak attacks on someone who has no idea what's going on."

"But that's what makes it fun," one of them retorted. "Not our fault your boyfriend has no idea how to throw a snowball."

Artemis shot the younger boy a glare. "You honestly think I can't throw a snowball?" he questioned. "Honestly, it's not that difficult."

As it turned out, until that day he had never had a reason to make a snowball, let alone throw one. Before the various cousins arrived, Diana had shown Artemis the art of creating and then throwing a snowball. Admittedly, Artemis was not the greatest at it, but he figured he could possibly hold his own against a boy several years younger than he was. At least until he remembered this kid had grown up with several feet of snow a year and ample opportunities to practice- especially with his older cousins.

"Nope," the child replied, a smirk forming on his face.

"Let's test that, shall we?" Artemis snapped. The Irish boy diverted his attention from Diana's cousin to the frozen ground below him. In one swift motion, he scooped up a handful of snow, carefully forming it into a sphere with his gloved hands. When he looked up, he only aimed for a brief moment before launching the slush-like ball towards the boy. It wasn't a direct hit, but it did collide with the boy's leg. Although it wasn't exactly what Artemis had been hoping for, he was just happy he had actually hit him; it would've been completely embarrassing had he missed.

What Artemis wasn't expecting, however, is that it would launch a full out war long before the intended time. Upon being hit with the projectile, the youngest of Diana's cousins began their onslaught, immediately retaliating with snowballs of their own. Before Artemis had time to react, he felt something tug him down behind the shelter of the snow wall, shielding him from being hit with the snowballs being hurled in his direction.

"See what you started?" Diana said, shaking her head. "This is not going to be pretty."

"I didn't intend on it," Artemis assured, resisting the urge to glance over the wall, knowing the second he did he would fall victim to yet another snowball to the face- something he wanted to avoid at all costs. "Shouldn't we fight back?"

Diana nodded, but it was Marisa who spoke up. Artemis hadn't even noticed Marisa and the oldest cousin (one of these days, he swore to actually remember all their names) had ducked behind the barrier as well. Marisa snatched up a few snowballs, and stood. "I've got this," she promised. "It's my year to shine; make me some more ammo!"

Without another word, Marisa leapt over the snow barrier, and into the line of fire. She took on the role of the greatest threat, leaving the rest of them free to begin an attack of their own. Admittedly, Artemis wasn't really sure what was transpiring; Diana and the rest of the team moved in such perfect unison, having several direct hits in a row. Mostly, Artemis just tried to stay out of the way as the other three unleashed a blistering fury of snowballs at the younger cousins. After only a few moments, the flurry ended, and the elder children stood over the younger ones, very clearly victorious.

"You may have won the battle, but the war's not over yet!" one of them shouted.

Artemis saw a smirk stretch across Diana's face. "The war is never over," she chided. "And... until you're older, your chances of beating us are slim to none. Good luck in next year's festivities."

As an argument broke out between the younger cousins broke out, Diana led Artemis away from the group, starting to head back towards the house. It was silent for a moment before Diana struck up a conversation. "I bet you're ready to get back inside," she started.

Artemis couldn't deny that. For a while, the winter weather was fine, but now he was ready to get back inside and warm up a bit. "That would be delightful," he replied. "It is not the coldest I have been in, but it certainly isn't my favorite weather."

"I can make us some tea," Diana offered, a smile stretching across her face. "That ought to warm you up."

"I'm sure it will," Artemis agreed, just as they reached the back door. As the two of them stepped inside, the snowball fight adventure came to a close, and that was something Artemis was thankful for.