Panic Attacks & Cigarette Packs | Creek

1

Warning: mentions of bullying, attempted suicide and abuse.

Craig's POV

I stare out the car window as the music that was blaring in my earphones drowned out any and all thoughts.
My younger sister, Ruby, was sitting next to me while she played on her phone.
I hope she'll make some new friends in South Park.
She was devastated when she had to leave her old friends behind.
But, making friends isn't really a problem for her so it won't take long for her to make friends, hopefully.
As I peered out of the window, I see that we had passed a sign that says "welcome to South Park".
I let out a small sigh, not caring that my parents noticed.
They know that I didn't want to move but seeing as I'm not eighteen yet, I had no choice.
I heard my mom say something but it was drowned out by the music in my ears.
"Craig!" My dad yelled, attempting to catch my attention.
I turned my music off and took my earphones out.
"God damn it, Thomas! Stop yelling." My mom said as she rolled her eyes at him.
"What is it, dad?" I ask.
"Just wanted to tell you that we're almost there, sense you didn't seem to hear your mother." He said in an annoyed tone.
I responded with a quiet 'mhm' as I put my earphones back in and turned my music back on.

***

About fifteen minutes later, we were parked outside of our new home.
The outside was painted a light blue, other than the roof, which was a darker blue.
The porch and the front door had been painted white.
The moving van had already gotten there a few minutes prior to our arrival.
My parents got out of the car first, then Ruby did soon after.
I took a few moments in the car by myself.
"Okay, Craig..." I said to myself, turning my music off and taking my earphones out.
"You're in a new town, a new house... things will be different..." I continued.
I looked out the window and sighed.
I examined the house a bit while my parents talked to the movers.
I examined every detail.
The house had been freshly painted at least two days before, one of the gutters was broken so it dangled off of the side of the house.
I guess no one wanted to fix it.
I took a deep breath and got out of the car.
The movers and my dad started to move the furniture in.
"Craig, Ruby, come help get boxes from the car. I'll get some from the van." I heard my moms voice say.
I sighed as Ruby and I went over to the car.
I opened the trunk and Ruby let out a long sigh.
"I don't wanna live here. I wanna go backkk" She said.
"I know, Ruby. I do, too. But we don't have a choice." I replied as I grabbed one of my boxes labeled "Craig's stuff".
Ruby grabbed a box which was filled with her clothes.
We walked up the porch and stepped on it.
There was a welcome mat in front of the door.
I kind of wish it were a middle finger which said "fuck off" but my parents would kill me if I replaced it with that.
Ruby and I stepped past in and walked through the doorway sense the door had already been opened.
The house was small on the inside but that didn't really matter.
My dad and two movers were putting the couch up against the stairs, though my dad seemed too weak to do that.
I walked upstairs to find a room that I wanted to be mine, as did Ruby.
One I had gotten to the top, Ruby was still struggling to carry her box up the slightly narrow staircase.
"Jesus, how much clothes do you have?" I asked, setting my box down and walking down to her.
I grabbed the box from her so she could actually get upstairs without falling.
"That's only one box of clothes. Most of my boxes are clothes..." She replied as she followed me up the rest of the stairs.
Once we were both at the top, I handed her box back to her.
She took it then went off to find a bedroom for herself.

***

I had found my own room soon after Ruby did.
My bed and stuff hadn't been moved in yet sense they were putting a few things in downstairs first.
Ruby and I had already gotten all of our boxes from the car and the moving van.
I took all of my clothes out of my boxes and arranged them in my closet which was next to my bedroom door.
I was still planning on how I was going to arrange my room.
I kind of wanted to go out and look around for a little while before sundown but I had no time for that.
It was nearly six p.m and I know I'd be arranging everything in my room for hours.
I don't want it to really be messy like it was at my old house because that was horrible.
Plus, it took forever to clean up so we could move.
I hope we don't have to move again.
I mean, I miss home and all but I don't want to go through the hassle of packing and sitting in a car for hours.
"Craig! You're gonna have to put your bed up on your own! We're doing Ruby's room so have fun with that!" I heard my dad yell from downstairs.
I sighed as I walked out of my bedroom to get the stuff for my bed from the moving van.

***

It was now twelve in the morning and I had finally finished arranging my room.
Putting my own bed up and stuff made me take way longer than I wanted it to.
But, my room looked good nonetheless.
I sighed as I jumped onto my bed.
My dad and Ruby had been in bed for at least three hours at the moment.
My mom was downstairs drinking some red wine that she bought from the store a bit ago.
I checked my phone, knowing I don't have any notifications, sense I have no friends.
I know I won't make any friends here.
Especially when I go to school.
It'll just be the same as it was when I lived in my old town.
I'll get bullied.
I was bullied for various reasons before.
My voice, my clothing choices, my sexuality.
Basically, everything was wrong with me.
That's what everyone used to tell me, that something was wrong with me.
So, I eventually grew to believe them.
I believed every word.
Every insult.
I began to get depressed from constantly telling myself I wasn't good enough every day.
Then, it got so bad to the point where I didn't want to leave the house.
Of course, my dad made me.
If I wouldn't, he'd beat the shit out of me.
Then, one night after he had beat me once again after he found out that I failed a few tests in school, I was sent over the edge.
I tried to commit suicide.
Of course, it didn't work.
Ruby walked into my room before I found a spot to put the rope.
She came in and told me that she had a nightmare and wanted to sleep in my bed.
So, I hid the rope and let her spend the night in my room.
Part of me thinks that she knew what I was going to do, sense she had seen my dad beat me up countless times.
After that night, I never attempted again, no matter how much I was hurting, I wouldn't do that to Ruby.
Plus, if I was gone, my dad would probably have Ruby take my place of the kid he gets to beat on.
I mean, he's hit her before and he's thrown things at her but he doesn't beat on her like he does to me and I don't want him to start.
Snapping myself out of thought, I set my phone on my bedside table.
I get under my covers, not bothering to change out of my clothes as I was tired as all hell.
I reached over to my bedside table and switched my small lamp off.
Once I did, I heard a loud crash in the kitchen, which made me jerk up so I was sitting on my bed.
"The hell?" I said to myself.
"Oops" I heard my moms slurred voice shout through the house.
I sighed.
"Whatever, she'll be okay..." I tell myself as I lay back down and drift off to sleep.