Panic Attacks & Cigarette Packs | Creek

21

Tweek's POV

I sat in the hospital bed, tears now staining my cheeks.
Craig had just left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
It was the first time I'd seen him in weeks.
He apologized and even said he loved me.
So why did I still feel like it was a lie?
It sounded so genuine yet so fake at the same time.
I didn't know what to believe anymore.
I was torn at this point.
He had never said he loved me while we were dating, and I waited so long to hear him say it, but now that I have, I wonder why I wanted it to happen in the first place.
I had expected him to say it while we were on a date or something, like at Starks Pond watching the sunset, not in a hospital after I had tried to kill myself.
The doctor came in a bit after Craig left and told me I could leave the hospital in two-three days.
I responded with a nod and he left the room.
I was alone once again.
My mom hadn't came back, so I guess she decided to go home.
I was completely alone in the hospital.
My parents weren't here.
Craig wasn't here.
No one was here.
Except for me and my thoughts.
I hated it.
I wanted to get up and run out of their.
I wanted to run home.
I wanted to lay in my bed, not a hospital bed.
I wanted to apologize to my parents for isolating myself.
I just wanted to leave this hospital.
But no.
I just had to be trapped there for a few days.
"I wish I had my phone... then I could actually do something..." I said out loud, trying to break the silence in the room.
I sighed.
I wanted someone to be there with me.
Anyone.
Clyde, Kenny, Butters, Damien, maybe even Cartman.
Wait no, not Cartman.
But the one person I wanted there so badly was Craig.
But that wouldn't happen.
I just wanted him here for a while longer, even if I wouldn't talk.
I should've talked to him.
Then he would've stayed longer.
Life fucking sucks when you never know how to respond to people.
I soon realized a faint ticking noise.
I looked over and saw a clock in the wall.
"That's gonna get annoying..." I sighed.
I decided to turn the tv on to drown out the silence and ticking.
I grabbed the remote from the stand next to me and turned the tv on.
There wasn't really anything good to watch, so I just kept it on the news channel.
Anything was better than sitting in near silence with a small ticking noise driving you crazy.
I looked down at my bandaged arms and sighed.
Part of me was glad my mom had come home from work early, but the other part had wished I were dead.
Drowning out that part of me was one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do.
I hoped that part of me would go away.
It had to.

***

It was two days later and the doctor told me I could leave in a few hours.
I was probably more excited than I should've been, honestly.
I couldn't wait to get back home.
I couldn't wait to lay down in my own bed.
I couldn't wait to spend time with my parents.
I couldn't wait to do anything, really.
Other than go back to school or work, I could definitely wait for that.
Though it was only two days, it felt like I was in that damn hospital for an eternity.
Just thinking about everything that went on outside while I isolated myself and stayed in the hospital gave me more anxiety.
Did anyone at school know?
If they did, did anyone spread any rumors about me?
Oh god, I hope not!
If any rumors about me are spread, I'll probably lose it!
It's bad enough Cartman's an asshole to me, but the whole school believing rumors about me?
I'd probably die on the spot!
Thinking about it made me want to hide in a hole or something and never come out.
I'd find out about any rumors soon enough, I guess...
As of right now, though, I was sitting in the hospital bed counting down the minutes until I could leave.
The tv was on in the background to drown out the silence and clock ticking, of course.
Random thoughts filed my head, some relevant to my first thought and some random.
I wondered what I could do when I got home.
Probably nap.
The hospital beds weren't the most comfortable.
I wondered when I would be going back to school and work.
I didn't want to go back, but at the same time I did.
I had actually missed waking up early to go to that yellow brick hell hole then leaving and going straight to work after, even if it was the most physically, mentally and emotionally tiring thing.
I missed walking into the shop and having the scent of coffee practically overwhelm me.
Soon, though, I'd be able to go right back to it.
Two hours passed and I was told that my mom was coming to get me.
Finally!
I watched the news, passing time until my mom would get there.
Nothing special had been going on.
Just a midget in a bikini talking about something random today.
I was surprised.
Usually some weird shit happens on the news, it's South Park after all.
Something weird always happens in this town.
That or something tragic.
Either way, there's bound to be something going on.
Oh god that's actually scary...
What could happen?!
I could get shot out in the streets one day!
My parents could get shot one day!
Oh god I hope that doesn't happen!
After about ten minutes of me thinking about all of the possible things that could happen to me and my parents, the door opened.
I looked over to it and saw my mom standing there.
"Hey. Ready to go?" She asked with a smile, twirling her keychain on her finger.
I nodded vigorously and got up.
To be honest, South Park isn't good at managing anything.
People could just up and leave the damn hospital without talking to a doctor or anything.
But in that moment I wasn't complaining.
I just wanted out of there.
We left and I jumped into the car almost immediately.
She got in and handed me something.
It was my phone.
I sighed in relief.
I hadn't had my phone for two days.
I know it doesn't seem that bad, but when you're me, it feels like the end of the world.
What if someone texted me and it was urgent?
I mean, I don't have anyone that would do that really, but it could happen!
And!
What if it got stolen?
That's why I need my phone at all times.
I turned it on, but saw no notifications.
Well, that's disappointing...
I shrugged slightly and looked out the window, watching the houses and trees as we drove by.
The white snow lay on the ground, it seemed like it had just fallen from the sky, though it hadn't snowed for a good few days.
The sky was littered with gray and black clouds, which I found beautiful in a way.
We soon arrived in front of my house.
I jumped out and ran up to the door, turning the knob to see if it was unlocked.
It wasn't.
"You seem eager." My mom chuckled as she came up beside me, unlocking the door.
I went in and immediately slumped down on the couch with a sigh of relief.
I feel like I loved being in my house too much, but that didn't seem like much of a problem to me.
I was just glad to be back there.