Bruised Heart//Kakashi x Reader

36

Sorry y'all if this is shit. Hopefully it isn't dreadful xD

When I awoke, I was sleeping underneath a willow tree. It took a while for my eyes to adjust to what was around me. But when I took in my surroundings I realized I was at the willow tree. The exact willow tree where I had first met Kakashi. I stood up abruptly and began to walk around the tree, placing my hand against the bark. When my hand left the bark, the whole scenery had changed. No longer was I on top of the hill, I was in the center of town. It took a minute for me to realize it, but I knew I was dreaming. I knew I was reliving a memory. my feet were moving on its own and before I knew it, I was walking down the sidewalk.

Even though I knew this was a memory, my mind and body were still going through the same emotions and actions they did back then. I watched the children laugh and play as I continued to walk down the sidewalk. How could they be happy when I felt so sad? A part of me wanted them to feel my pain too. Just so that I wouldn't be so lonely with it. In truth, I don't wish this upon anyone. Especially those who still have their innocence. I could feel my eyes suddenly swam with tears and I hurried to scrub them from my face. Tears would lead to sympathy, and sympathy would lead to more tears. So instead, I put on my cold facade.

Sadness. It was something I never understood. Why be sad about something when it has already happened? After all, there's no point crying over spilled milk. Unfortunately, when you get sad, it's like being stabbed in the heart a thousand times without dying. I know because I experienced when my family was taken from me. I remember the tears which stung like bees; the deafening screams which still haunt me today; the blood-thirsty group of men nearly beat me to death and most of all, I didn't know whether I was dead or alive. When it was all over- when they were taking me with them- my eyes scanned for a survivor but to my disappointment, I was the only survivor. You see, it's memories that create emotions and it's emotions that create those memories.

I picked up my face from a brisk walk to a jog. I just wanted to be alone with myself for a while. There was only so much I could take from the villager's stares and whispers. Yes, I was different. But, isn't everyone? I'm not the only one they turn their back on, though. Sasuke and Naruto are outcasts as well. Both of which I've grown to tolerate. Sasuke more than Naruto. Naruto sure is a knucklehead- but I do see great potential in him.

I sighed contently when I saw the weeping willow tree on top of the hill that faces the city. It was in a secluded area, which I enjoyed. I loved my alone time, it allowed me to process my emotions. There are days my head just doesn't work. I try so hard to focus and it's like trying to run through water. My brain fogs up and thoughts go nowhere at all. Sometimes I think its natures anesthesia, anything to numb the pain, to wipe out the trauma. Then there are the times of clarity, sudden moments when I can see every detail and feel every feeling.

"Every thought is a battle," I grabbed a handful of grass and began to play with it. "Every breath is my own little war," I blew the grass out of my hand, watching it fly in the air, the wind carrying it to where ever it deems fit.
"Honestly I'm a walking fucking travesty. I'm unstable- I don't have a will or a drive to do anything anymore..." I slumped against the tree looking up at the cloudy sky.

"What would my mother say? That I'm pathetic... she must be thinking how pitiful I look right now. The last member of my clan and I have my own death wish." I wasn't always like this, though. Some days I was fine- I could crack a few jokes, laugh and smile. Other days, much like today, I feel everything at once. Or I just feel nothing at all. I haven't decided what was worse. Drowning beneath the waves of my emotions or dying from the thirst of having none. Sasuke has come to me multiple times to talk to me. I was surprised at first. When I first met him, it was true I saw myself in him.