BETA MINE (mxm || lgbtq)

Part 1

J A V I E R

I thought when the ritual is completed you don't feel anything for your rejected mate yet Abalon is still the most beautiful wolf in my eyes. He's still stunning. My heart still quakes when I look at him. My arms still ache to hold him. My lips still want to devour his.

My wild side still thinks he's perfect. Still thinks he's ours even though there's no bond anymore. The mate pull is gone. Completely gone yet, I yearn for him still.

This is confusing. Even though he looks on the verge of passing out on the chair he is seated I find he is as gorgeous as ever.

His mother's whip slices the air and I brace myself for her lashes. I've witnessed her whipping once and I know there will be no mercy for me. I might not leave this office with air in my lungs.

I wonder if he'll tell Avery about me. Would my son even know who I was? Would Abalon tell him of the neglectful mate I was or the man he has come to know since Avery's birth?

My eyes close of their own accord while I come to terms with my impending death sentence. I don't think I'll live to see another day.

Dear Goddess just let them be happy. I prayed. I've never been a praying man but Abalon has made me one.

I just pray Abalon finds someone to share his life with. Someone that will be a good father to Avery and a good mate to him.

I look at an oblivious Avery as he coos in his grand-father's arms. Little hands waving as dribble escape the corners of his mouth before its wiped away by a bib.

I brace myself for the first lash when my eyes land again on Abalon. He doesn't look away. He just holds my stare. His eyes say it all. He wishes he could have interjected before his mother and I agreed on his retribution. I want to tell him I'd have it no other way. I'd gladly accept any punishment for him. I'd die for him.

I hiss when the first blow hits my skin. I arch just a little feeling the stinging heat left in its wake. One after the other they come till I can feel the blood trickle down my spine. Till all I can feel is a large open wound on my back. I don't look away from Abalon though. He deserves my eyes on him. He shall be in my line of sight till I take my last breath. Simply breathing feels like a task I have to struggle to complete.

Abalon cries and I want nothing more than to tell him I'm okay. I don't deserve his tears. I want to smile for him. I want to take his mother's retribution and more if it means he'll forgive me at some point in his life.

The tears have stopped falling from my eyes and I stop feeling anything-just a dull thudding in my ears. All I can hear are his whimpers every time his mother's whip touches my flesh.

I don't deserve your tears.

He flinches when my forearms give out. Now flat on my belly-at his feet where I deserve to be-while he looks down at me with compassionate eyes.

I don't deserve your sympathy.

I tilt my head so that I can see him clearly even when each flog rocks my body. I can see his lips moving frantically. No matter what he can't stop this. No one can. Retribution is sacred.

It becomes too hard to keep my eyes open and soon my vision fades but I can still picture him in my mind. I can still see him dancing around the kitchen with Avery in his arms.

Avery, my sweet Avery mine. He'll grow up nothing like me. Abalon would teach him better. Teach him to be a good man. An honorable wolf. He'll cherish his mate. He won't be anything like me thank the Goddess.

I can envision Abalon again; see the curve of his perfect lips when he smiles. I can hear his laugh and see the sexy length of his neck when he throws his head back. I can feel the softness of his hair when I run my fingers through it. I can smell him before and after pregnancy. I can almost taste him-pineapple dipped in honey. I can feel him-his skin on mine, my lips against his-that one forbidden kiss I stole, and hands on my cheeks. Warm. Like the first rays of the morning sun.

I can feel nothing now. I can hear nothing but Abalon is still with me. I'm glad I can go unto the hereafter with him still with me.

I'm glad. I'm glad he is free of me. I'm glad he isn't tied to me anymore. I'm glad I'll die knowing I did one thing to make him happy even if it is dying. Especially because it's me dying. He won't have to endure me for the rest of his life.

What did I ever do to deserve a male like Abalon? What did he ever do to deserve me? I'll never know. I wish I did. He deserves someone like himself-selfless and kind and beautiful both inside and out. I want that for him.

Gods, I love him.  

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A/N

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