BETA MINE (mxm || lgbtq)

Part 3

J A V I E R

He hates me. I don't give him wrong. I can't fault him if one of these days he goes for MY heart instead of his own like that night.

I shudder; just thinking about it and when I think about it I dream about it and then I don't sleep.

"Liam, how is your mate?" Alpha asks as we have our weekly meeting. The wolves in charge of securing the pack convene to share all our observations on things that were improved and things that need improving. Alpha always asks us how our mates and families are doing.

"Beta, how is Abalon and the pup?" Alpha Tyke asks and it stings that in his eyes Abalon is not my mate.

"He's fine. The pup is well also." I reply. The meeting goes smoothly and we part ways until our next one.

Everyone exits but Alpha pins me with his eyes and I stay behind for whatever ass whooping I'm about to receive.

"Yes Alpha?" I ask and sit before him.

"I think I was a bit harsh with you. You did deserve it Beta but I am also to be partially blamed. I gave you a speech about being Alpha and taking care of my pack but I did turn a blind eye to what was happening between you and Abalon." Alpha Tyke says and I almost choke on air. What is he talking about?

"Javier everything that goes on in my pack I have privy to it. I know I never dug too deep into the gossip about Abalon and you but I should have. I heard the whispers but it's always been that way between you and Ivan. I love him. I would deny him nothing. Not even you." Alpha Tyke continues and I frown.

"I had addressed a few wolves who spoke ill of you and Abalon's mating and it stopped. They never whispered about it around me and I thought you both were good. I thought you both didn't mark each other because you were taking it slowly. I know you've slept together so I didn't pay much attention to you both and that is why I am also to blame for Abalon's mental state." Alpha Tyke scowls slightly and I scoff.

"You have so much to worry about Alpha. A mating gone wrong should be the least of your worries. It is my fault. If I had accepted Abalon as mine then none of this would have happened." I accept my wrong. I stand and leave Alpha's office not willing to sit and listen to him. Yea he is responsible for all of our well-beings but he can't change what we feel or fail to allow ourselves to feel.

I make my way to the training ground. I need release of some kind as I trudge out of the office and unbidden images of Abalon plague my mind.

Having Abalon in my home and in my bed smelling like heaven and looking like it too has turned me into a juvenile wolf all over again. He's put on a little weight but I swear it's in all the right places. His hair looks so soft and good God his skin glows so healthily.

He still looks lethal and sexy but now there's a maternal air about him that makes me feel like a pup again. When I'm not feeling like that I'm so aroused I swear I'd start humping the couch.

I stop and try to regain my composure. I am rock hard. Getting myself off is pointless because as soon as I rub one out in the shower and I step out Abalon's scent hits me and I'm hard again. Sleeping next to him is tough. Wanting to pull him close and bury my nose in his neck and not doing so is my nightly battle. The first time I did it Abalon threatened to sleep in the nursery or on the couch.

"Poor Abalon." I hear somebody say and I come to an abrupt stop.

"Yea I feel so bad for him." another voice says. I recognize them. The pack's gossip queens Karen and Freida.

"He's been through so much with Beta as a mate and now he's pregnant. I don't know about you but Abalon has balls to go to that house with Beta." Freida says and I clench my jaws.

"Do you think the Moon Goddess made a mistake when she paired them?" Karen asks and Freida sighs loudly.

Never. The Goddess makes no mistakes. Abalon is perfect for me.

"I would think so. There's no way Beta would lust after and look after Luna Ivan the way he does if that pairing was right." Freida mumbles.

What the actual fuck? Did everybody know of my feelings for Ivan?

"Gosh he cried. Abalon's tears could fill a river with how much Beta and Luna unknowingly hurt him." Karen adds and I tighten my fists.

"Especially after the night of the ball when Beta said Luna Ivan's name while intimate with him. It's no wonder Abalon tried to kill himself. I would too if Gill ever did that to me. It's a miracle he's still alive." I hear Freida say and my heart rate kicks up. If these two gossipers know that means everybody knows what happened between us that night.

"Poor boy. I remember the look on his face when Beta passed him like a full bus and complimented Luna on the stairs." Karen's voice went low.

My beast growls. Animal instincts kick in to protect my mate even if it's against chinwag. A growl starts low in my chest and builds as I stalk around the corner and into view of the two blabbermouths.

"Beta!" It's Freida who gasps and I glare at them.

"If I hear you or anyone talk about my mate in such a way again I'll be picking your fur from between my teeth." I growl out and Freida and Karen show their necks to me in submission and understanding.

"Y-Yes Beta." Karen stutters and I nod.

"Get out!" I spit and they scurry away.

This is what I've done to him. How many times has he listened to himself being blathered about by these foul mouthed females?

How has he been able to look them in the eyes knowing they knew such intimate things?

It dawns on me that that's what all the snickering when Abalon and I are in the same room about.

How can I ask for his forgiveness for such atrocities done to him by me?

I am truly a worthless mate. Callous of the other half of my soul because of a juvenile crush on a wolf that already has a mate.

Was the Goddess really mistaken when she paired Abalon and I?

I don't care. He's mine. He's carrying my pup. He's mine.

My wolf surges shoving my human logic away, screaming that Abalon is no mistake. He's perfect. Perfect for us. Snarls directed at my humanness for disregarding what could have blossomed into the best thing on this planet, for choosing based on what I thought I wanted while overlooking what I needed, what was made especially for me.

I shake my head regaining control of my beast and stamp out of the training grounds and instead opt for a run.

I hear the giggles and sneak up to the two wolves. Not close enough for them to smell me but close enough to hear them and see them.

Pangs inside my chest as the dominant male says sweet words to his mate. Touching and caressing like lovers should. Asking the small female if she enjoyed their first time and if she was uncomfortable or hurting anywhere.

I close my eyes. Abalon has never had that either. Our first time was solely on animal instincts. No sweet nothings in his ear or gentle caressing after. I never held Abalon lovingly or kissed his lips before his injury. All I ever did was fuck.

I don't even know if he enjoyed it. Every time was a clash of beasts. Ripping at each other's clothes just so our beasts could be sated.

I've treated my mate like a worthless booty call for two fucking years.

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A/N

I am truly sorry for my tardiness yet again.