"A mate will love you and only you. No other can compare to you and he or she will treasure you above all and everything in the world," mommy says to me as she kissed my forehead.
I sighed dreamily. I can't wait till I find my mate. He'll be perfect...
Later that night as I lay curled up on my bed Javier comes to me. I guess his wolf is feeling as restless as mine.
He always stays away until he is compelled to find me as his wolf goes into withdrawal and feral unless he has contact with his mate.
Tonight is no different as Javier wastes zero time in stripping me of my clothes and covering my body with his.
We've slept together like this countless times since we found each other two years ago but Javier has not marked me since.
He only comes to me in the thick of night and takes what comfort he wants from my body to satisfy his wolf and he is gone by the morning as if he never was here.
I let him, every time I let him because it is the only way I have him that Ivan doesn't. It is the only thing I get from him that is mine alone.
I clear my mind and focus on the feeling, the feeling of security and being whole once more as I breathe in his scent and feel his skin upon mine, our beasts connecting to one another once more.
His warm large hands dances their way across my skin, igniting passion and lust and need in me as his mouth kisses my body everywhere, everywhere except my lips, never my lips.
His harsh breathing against my neck, his manhood lodged within my body making me feel part of something again, part of him, of the Us I always wish we could have been.
I hold onto him, tightly as I can, absorbing everything I possibly can from him this night as he pleasures both mine and his body. Rocking us to the finish line and as he climaxes he breathes Ivan's name.
Like a candle in the wind all my warmth and light goes out in an instant leaving me cold and in pain again. I should be used to it, I think, as I push against Javier's chest and scoot as far away from him as possible.
"Abalon I'm sorry." Javier whispers and I shut my eyes as the tears flow, the pain even worse than ever before.
I really am a useless mate. I can't even pleasure him without his wishing it was someone else.
"Leave." I whisper ignoring the restlessness my wolf shoves at me. The snarls in my mind as the beast threaten to take back my request.
"Abalon..."
"Please Javier." I cry. I bet he can smell my tears, I wonder if he can hear my heart breaking every time he does this.
"I'm sorry." he whispers before he leaves my bed as silently as he entered.
I cry myself to sleep that night like I do almost every night since finding Javier as my mate.
But this would be the last night.
It must be the last night. I can't ache like this anymore. I can't wish he'd learn to love me when all of his love is held by another who won't ever be able to return it.
Talk about unrequited love.
Come tomorrow I will not be his to run to because he has no other choice.
I will not be the one he is forced to stand beside because the Moon Goddess put it so.
The fates can go fuck themselves because I will not be anybody's substitute any more.
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