BETA MINE (mxm || lgbtq)

Part 2

A B A L O N

I don't know what I expected to happen. Maybe some bright white light and a miracle of the Goddess. Nothing of the sort happens. I keep us connected for a few seconds more. I remove my lips from Javier's and look down on him one last time taking in his peaceful face.

I climb down the pyre and watch as Alpha Tyke set it ablaze with the ceremonial torch. More tears come freely as pack members leave the cremation grounds.

I stay. I watch till the end. Till Alpha Tyke gathers Javier's ash and present it to me in an urn.

"I..." my knees give when he walks away. More tears spill down my cheeks. I cry for us. What we could have had. What we could have been. I let it all out and then I gather myself.

I have a son to care for. I have a life to live.

Yana is waiting for me with Avery in her arms at the edge of the grounds and my parents stand next to her.

"You took him from me." is the first thing that leaves my lips when I come within speaking distance of them.

"You stole him from me." My father gives me familiar eyes. Eyes saying that I should keep my trap shut but I just can't.

"He took himself away from you. Every choice he had made took him from you and so did yours." my mother replies to me. Her head held high with her response to my accusation.

"You could have reduced his lashes. You could have taken into consideration that he has a child with me." I grit. Anger climbs my rib cage and out my mouth.

"You could have accepted him and there would not have been any need for retribution." My mother hisses. I'm taken aback by the venomous eyes she stares at me with.

"You could have avoided this entire ordeal if you had lied down and taken all his disrespect and bad treatment of you as his mate." She spits at me.

"You could have let your spine fold and accept him and his unworthiness of you. Don't cast stones my way because I chose to have the same amount of strength as you." her eyes soften as she gazes at the urn held tightly between my palms.

Her words hit me square in the face forcing my anger back. She's right. I could have stopped all of this. Javier didn't have to die today.

"You're right. I could have stopped all this." I say as new tears threaten to fall again.

Guilt eats away at me when I look at Avery. I stole my baby's father from him. I stole Yana's brother from her. I stole this pack's Beta from them.

"Abby." My father calls to me softly. My eyes rise to meet his. "It would not have been better if he had taken your life figuratively. He already killed parts of you on the inside that you can never revive." My father speaks lowly, soothingly.

"Baby boy, sometimes there's no one to blame. It just is what it is. Your choices and actions cannot correct Javier's. You both made choices that have lead you here and now. It is a sad thing that Javier is no longer with us because of it but you can't live the rest of your life in guilt. You have a beautiful pup to raise into a man. You have a purpose. Take it and make the best of the life you have now."

I stare at my father a bit wide eyed. He's a man of very few words so hearing him speak this much shocks me a bit but he's right. I have much to live on for.

My father takes me in his arms and I soak up his warmth.

"Why don't you and Avery visit with us for a few weeks?" mom suggests and I shake my head no.

"After the mourning period." I whisper and she touches the top of my head for a moment but I pull away.

"Contrary to popular belief it is not easy to complete retribution Abalon. I took my grandson's father away from him; I took your mate from you. As a mother it hurts because I took another mother's son from the earth." My mother's eyes gloss over only for a second.

"I..." I've never thought about that. My mother has taken lives twenty times that I know of and I've never seen her emotional about it and seeing and hearing her words placed another lump in my throat.

It seems I know nothing of facing reality and taking it in stride.

I blamed Ivan for Javier's want of him and now I'm blaming my mother for his death.

It dawns on me that I have some growing up to do. 

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A/N

Well... I don't even know... I love ya'll