BETA MINE (mxm || lgbtq)

Part 2

J A V I E R

If this is what the hereafter consists of it is lacking-sorely lacking. An open space as far as the eyes can see with absolutely nothing in it. Nothing but me. Not even color-just a dull gray. No trees or birds. Not even a breeze or a sound.

Damn.

Walking seems the most logical thing so I do. I walk and walk and walk. Nothing in either direction. North, south, east and west. Nothing.

I wonder how Abalon is doing. Probably preparing me for burial. Calling Yana to give her the news of my demise. Avery won't know anything thank the Goddess.

I wonder how Abalon will go on. Without me at his side he'd be free. Maybe find a second chance mate. I hope he finds someone to share the rest of his life with.

"Do you really want to know?" I hear a voice ask. I look around but there is no one here with me.

"Who's there?" I ask turning in circles.

"Over here Javier." There's laughter in the crisp feminine voice. I can't even begin to describe her features. Only her face is visible and the rest is covered in white silk yet I cannot think of a way to define her.

"Who are you?" I ask stepping closer to the female.

"Do you want to know your mate's future?" she asks and I stare at her. She can show me that?

I'm pretty sure I'm dead so I nod. She smiles. I find myself smiling back. I don't know why.

All around us it thickens with fog and she steps close to me until she is shoulder to shoulder with me.

Abalon's face comes into my view. It's so surreal. It's like watching a movie in 3D. Abalon playing with Avery. I hear my pup's cooing and Abalon's giggle in HD.

"Abalon grieves for you every day. He cremates you with the rights of a father and a mate even though you rejected him." I can't take my eyes off them. Her words resonate in me but I literally can't take my eyes off them.

"Abalon tells Avery about you every chance he gets. They live in your house and when Avery turns five a lone wolf joins the pack. He and Abalon hit it off." I breathe through her words. It hurts thinking of Abalon with someone else. Another man raising my pup.

"They marry and raise Avery into a good man. They don't have children of their own so they adopt." My chest aches with every breath I take.

"Are they happy?" I ask, my voice a mere whisper.

"Are they taken care of and loved by this lone wolf?" I ask.

"Yes. They are taken care of. They are comfortable. Abalon learns to love the lone wolf as he learns to love Abalon in their own ways without a mate bond" Avery's giggles ring in my ears and so does Abalon's throaty chuckles.

"Good. That's what I want for him. I want him to be happy and loved. I want that for them both." I look at her and she smiles. I smile back. This is it.

"I wish this lone wolf would love him like I was supposed to. I wish this man fathers my pup as if he sired him. I wish they'd laugh and dance and live." I ache saying such words. It's almost as painful as when Abalon hurt himself. A lump forms in my throat, a weight on my heart but I mean them. I mean it.

"Do you think he'd be a better mate than you was?" she asks and I frown. What kind of question is that?

"What do you mean?" I ask finally taking my eyes from Abalon and Avery.

"Do you think he'd be better than you at loving Abalon and fathering Avery?" she looks me in the eyes.

"I hope so." I hold her stare. I really do.

We lapse into silence just looking at Abalon and Avery together in the bathtub and playing on the bed, dancing around the kitchen.

"I'm dead aren't I?" I finally ask.

"Do you feel dead?" I laugh out loud.

"I don't know." I admit.

"What do you want to happen right this instance Javier?" she asks and I shrug.

"I want them to be happy."

"You've never once asked for anything for yourself. Why is that?" I frown at her.

"Because all I want is for them to be happy."

"With you?"

"They'll never be happy with me."

"Why?"

"I killed him emotionally. Almost physically. He'll never love me unreservedly. He'll never want me unconditionally. I broke him." I admit my crimes against my mate and each word burns my throat like acid as they come out my mouth.

"And if you get a second chance would you want it?"

"No." she seems genuinely shocked.

"He's already fallen out of love with me." my breaths stutter. It's about time I accept it. Hell I'm pretty sure I'm dead.

"He doesn't deserve to be tied to a monster like me." I continue.

"No matter how deeply I fall for him." I know that wanting to have Abalon again makes no sense if he doesn't want to be with me. I won't ever put him in any position where he doesn't have a choice or a say in what happens. Most of what occurred between us was because of what I wanted.

I wanted Abalon.

I wanted Ivan too.

I wanted the best of both worlds.

I don't deserve either of them. It's a good thing I'm dead. I won't hurt anyone anymore. Not Tyke or Ivan or Abalon. My son won't have a callous jackass for a father. My sister won't have an idiot like me for a brother. The pack would replace me and they'd thrive. I'd be forgotten soon enough.

"It's over for me. I'm already dead. Take me where I need to be now." I am defeated. Life defeated me. Death humbled me.

"Okay." She smiles at me. I smile back while looking through the fog at Abalon's smiling face and Avery's little cute one. I wish I could kiss them both one last time.

"I'm ready."

"I hope so." She chuckles.

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A/N 

You guys love me still right? ... Right?