Love & Lies

Chapter Three

"This is the worst decision I've ever made!" Jessie sobbed into her cell phone two weeks later with the one person who would not lose patience with her.  "Maybe I should just come home and continue working for other people and write a song here and there for them."

While Jessie's co-op was expectantly well-kept despite her feeling depressed, she left it just once to throw her garbage down the chute on the other side of the hall.  All she had been doing was lounging around, absent-mindedly watching television, answering some work-related e-mails, and calling people.  Cooking was her pleasure, but starting this week her diet consisted of soup, cereal, and toast.  She was down to her last can of chicken soup as of today.

Before Holly could answer, Jessie continued to vent.  "I don't know what I expected from just hanging in a flat, er, an apartment or wherever I live trying not to venture out," she sniffled reaching for a tissue from the box on her coffee table.  "I don't know how I associated freedom in a completely different place with happiness while living as a hermit."

"What did your mum and dad have to say?" Holly asked sympathetically.

Jessie readjusted her position on the loveseat before tossing the wet tissue on the coffee table.  "When I called Mum the day after I first arrived, she was persistent regarding her offer of me staying at their home for a while," she responded.  "I have not even let on how miserable I am here because being back with them, as nice as it sounds, is not going to solve anything.  As for my sisters, I do not bother plaguing them with this because they have their own lives.  The other day, my sister put my niece and nephew on the phone and I had to contain my tears as I was reminded of what Mum said regarding missing out on everything while being here."

She took a pause to sigh knowing that Holly knew she was not yet finished.  "I don't know what to do anymore, Holl.  I quit my career ages ago, tried rebuilding my life, went to therapy....  I really thought being away from everything was going to be my golden ticket in solving all my problems," she continued.

"I'm sorry, Jess.  Well, have you seen Jenny and Lauren or at least spoke to them since you called me last week?" Holly asked.  

Even though she knew Holly wouldn't see it, she nodded her head anyway.  "Yeah, they were going to come by Sunday, but Jenny had to rush over to some huge gala because one of her planners screwed something and the place demanded her presence," Jessie answered, defeated.  "They wanted to come over today, but I told them no.  I feel and look horrible so I told them I had a migraine, but would call them soon."

Holly remained quiet and Jessie began to twirl the first loose strand that fell from her messy ponytail while she waited for input.  She felt horrible for blowing Jenny and Lauren off after all they had done, but she wanted to be alone.  

"I know I am being a bad friend, but I honestly do not know what to say besides maybe go out, even if it is just a simple stroll," Holly finally broke the impending silence.  "I miss you and you know more than anything I want you home, but you are giving up too easily."

Jessie was pained to hear how Holly referred to herself as a bad friend as that could not be further from the truth.  She did see the truth in Holly's words in regards to how she should handle her situation, but felt it was easier said than done.  "You are not at all a bad friend, firstly.  I know exactly what you are saying about being more outgoing, but I imagine myself walking to buy a few groceries only to return to an empty apartment or whatever.  Besides Jackson, I know I live alone back home, but I at least have all of you and my pitiful job.  Many people would dream of having a vacation from work, but I guess it became my life without me realizing it." She knew she sounded a bit pathetic, but bottling her feelings was eating her alive.