Miracles Exist

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"Give me three repetitions." Daniel, my knee therapy instructor told me after wrapping some weights around my ankle. I nodded and took in a deep breath as I slowly lifted my left leg. He straightened it making me hiss in pain. I clenched my jaw once I saw how my leg shook every time I raised it. After doing three repetitions of ten lifts, I had already started sweating. When your knee is this weak, therapy is like going through suicide runs on the ice. It's exhausting as hell. "How has your knee felt since you last came here?" Daniel questioned as he came around the bed I was laying on, taking off the weights. He grabbed my leg and stretched it completely. I clenched my jaw once again, trying not to kick him with my good leg.

"It's stronger on the ice, I can tell you that much." He gave me a look. "What are you doing on the ice? It's too soon for that. It's been five months Alyssa, not a damn year. You were told to rest and to stay off the ice. Do you not want it to heal the way it's supposed to?" I shrunk deeper into the bed, if that was even possible. He shook his head and pushed my stretched leg towards me, my hamstrings screaming in agony. I wanted to bend my knee, to relieve my leg from some of the pain, but he didn't let me. "I use the knee brace when I'm on the ice, I take painkillers if it gets too bad. I'm okay Daniel, honestly."

"Oh yeah? And what if for some reason you lose your balance and fall on the ice? Or one of the guys slams into you by accident? Your ligament hasn't healed completely yet, it's not strong enough. If you were to fall at one of your practices, you'd break your ligament once again, do you really want to go through all of this again?" 

No one was ever this blunt with me as Daniel was. Nobody ever tried to get it through my head how delicate this entire thing was. It was always, if I could walk, I could surely skate. Daniel had always been straight up with me ever since I walked through the doors of this place five months ago. He never let my ego get too high, never let my feet reach the sky 'cause he was always there to hammer them to the ground with the sad reality of me not being the same girl I was before the accident. I wasn't as strong or agile as I used to be on the ice, even if I tried to believe that I was. Covering my face, I tried to fight back the tears.

"Will I ever be able to play again Daniel? Is there really nothing I can do?" I whimpered, my face getting hot from trying to hold in the tears. He sighed and let my leg go, sitting down on the bed. 

"Hockey has a lot of brutal force Alyssa, and you were defense. Aggressive behavior is bound to happen and your knee won't be able to support the impacts. Because you have little meniscus, the friction within your knee is high instead of very low, and damage to the bones is exacerbated with jarring, compressive forces. If you were to continue playing, your bones would be causing friction, creating unbearable pain for you. It would speed up the process of degeneration, and you'd be looking at a knee reconstruction in 10 years."

My heart was slamming into my ribs and my blood felt hot, my mind was swirling and I just wanted to scream. Why me? Why did it have to be me for fucks sake! I sat up and shoved my face into my hands, breathing heavily. "Alyssa, you can still get on the ice. You can be a coach if you want for all I care, but you can't play hockey. Especially not at the level you're used to. I'm sorry to say this but I prefer you being able to get on the ice then to not be able to get on it at all." He squeezed my arm in a comforting manner before standing up.

"I'll see you next week Alyssa, let's speed up the healing process alright?" I roughly rubbed my eyes and nodded. His face dropped at the redness of my eyes, but I was too tired to care. "Bye Daniel." He waved lightly as I speed walked out of there. Once in my car I slammed the door shut and just started breathing rapidly.

My emotions were getting the best of me and I could not let them win. If I did, then I'd be here for quite some time and I don't need that right now. Leaning back I breathed in deeply, trying to control my breathing. After a couple of more tries, it worked, my breathing was back to normal. I sighed, turning on the engine before heading towards the arena.