Living in my head

Entry 6:

Sunday 26th August 20:34

Guess who's back? Are u excited? You should be, because I have come to a conclusion. That conclusion is simple: Being mentally, to put it nicely, complicated is exhausting.

It's like every piece of you is weighted down. Head, neck, shoulders, back, bones, brain, blood, heart, soul. All of it. Heavy and resistant against all movement all because what is going on in my mind pulls me to a horrible, deep, dark place and intends on keeping me there.

It's not like that all days but today was a bad day. I didn't leave my bed for the majority of the day, I didn't really eat, I wasn't hungry, any room with people in I immediately wanted to leave and skimpily going to the toilet felt like a chore. I was mentally and physically exhausted. Now, being in that place is hard enough but trying to pull yourself out of it is harder.

My mum can tell. She know when I falling into that weighty stupor and always try's to pull me out of it. So today we went for a walk....in the rain.

Some of you may think that's stupid and weird but I am what you call a pluviophile (See picture above). I love the rain. The cold drops are extremely calming and the noise of them bouncing off concrete is very relaxing so it immediately soothes my sinking mind. I also love that when it rains everyone shuts themselves away indoors, leading my small town to practically be deserted so I can roam around unnoticed. I really don't do people.

Me and my mum wandered, mainly, in silence (I managed to talk about Shawn Mendes once of twice) until I no longer felt heavy and my tiredness was more due to lack of sleep than a dark mindset. I still felt dull and mildly numb but I've got used to feeling that now.

My walk didn't work completely, I'm still sat, fully clothed, in bed because I'm too lazy to get up and get changed, but it did make a difference. I just wanted to prove that I'm not just writing these to make me look like a sad teenager and like I'm always depressed, I have bad days and good days but I'm never truly satisfied with how I feel. I'm writing these to 1: get all this fucked up shit off my back, 2: maybe show people that feel the same way that they aren't alone and 3: distract people from their own problems by giving them mine to think about instead (they also could be entertaining, I dunno).

So, I've ended on a slightly more positive note than usual which I hope you enjoyed!

I'll see you next time for more insight into my messed up mind.

All the love,
L x

(I really wanna start doing ps again but I don't really have anything extra to say so imma just put this)

(And this)

(And this)

(Sorry for wasting your time :) )