Living in my head

Entry 9:

Monday 3rd September 22:08

Hello,
Tomorrow I go back to school. To be honest, I feel like I should be terrified and absolutely dreading it but I'm not. I'm kinda just shutting out all emotion because I don't want to know how I feel about it all, I know however I may feel, it's not gonna be good and I can't deal with that. I'm just rolling with it. I don't care if i don't get enough sleep, I don't care if I look like shit tomorrow, I don't care if I get up too late. I'm just gonna see what happens because then, whatever happens I know that I didn't really do anything out of the norm that could affect it. Does that make sense? Probably not.

Sorry my updates have been sparse but I haven't really had anything to talk about and the reads have dropped a lot so I get the impression no one really cares. I don't really have a clue what I'm going to write about now. This is why I could never start a full on fanfic. As much as I'd like to, my updates would be shit.

I got tickets for Billie!!! Which is so fucking exciting, like, I can't even think about it I just start doing some stupid wiggly shit with my shoulders. But I'm trying not to think about it too much cos it's a while off.

My friends keep doing shit without inviting me, which is fun. I don't know why they don't, I haven't done anything differently to how I used to and I got invitations back then. To be fair, half the stuff they've done I'd probably say no to but how would they know if they didn't ask? It's doesn't really hurt me but because I know it should I immediately feel like I need to react to it. I don't, react to it but it's constantly in the back of my mind that I should be affected in some way. Again, I'm probably not making any sense.

Hopefully going back to school will remind them that I actually do exist, that would be a positive. But considering one of the only positives comes from something so negative it doesn't look like school is gonna go so well.

Maybe I should start homeschooling. That's what Billie did and look at her, a hit single by 13 and a debut album on the way at 16 never mind her previous ep, and me, at 14, I can't even get half way up the stairs without running out of breath. Life sucks.

You'll probably get an update pretty soon to let you in on how school is. If I don't update for a while it could have gone two ways: I'm sat in my bed a sobbing mess because it was way worse than I imagined, or,  it went so well that I have nothing to possibly write about. Which do you think is more likely? Imma assume you picked the first one and I'm gonna fucking agree. Life's sucks and it's about to suck a whole lot more. (Jesus Christ I have a dirty mind. I am so sorry.)

I apologise if this update is shit. They all have been recently but maybe my school misfortune will be a lot more entertaining.

I'll see you next time when my life, more than likely, had gotten 10 times worse.

I'll look forward to it!

All the love,
L x

(The picture attached it what is going to happen to me throughout the next school year.)

(Help me)