How did I get here?

Chapter 40

"You want to go home?" Maxon asks, I pulled him aside after our first meeting the next day.
"Not permanently, just for a week or so. I haven't seen my family since Tyler and I arrived at the palace."
"There isn't anything bothering you here is there?" He said, seeming very concerned.
"No I just need some time to think," I say.
"If that's what you think is best for you, I think you should go. I'll have a plane to take you in the morning."
"Thank you," I say and I kiss his cheek and hurry down the hall.
I get to my room as fast as I can and call home.
"Hello," my mom says into the phone.
"Mom hi," I say.
"America, why haven't you called us? I'm so sorry about Tyler honey."
I moved to sit on my bed and kept talking.
"It's okay, Tyler was all my mistake and I'm sorry I haven't called I've just been so busy."
"I feel like we should have all known what you were going through," she says, she sounded like she thought she had failed me in some way.
"That was the point I didn't want anyone to know," I say, as I look down at my feet.
"America you know you don't have to hide your problems from the world," she says.
"I know, but Mom this isn't why I called."
"Oh," she says seeming slightly shocked. "What is it then?"
"I'm coming home tomorrow for a couple days, I think it will help me put a lot of things into perspective."
"That's amazing we have all been waiting to see you," she says.
"Me too, I've missed all of you."
"Us too," she says. I think for a moment and realize my family doesn't know about my miscarriage or the baby period, but I don't know if I should even tell them.
"I'll see you tomorrow," I say, I need time to think about what I want to tell them.
"Bye," she says.
"Bye," I say and hang up the phone.
I decide to start packing, so I can eat dinner with Maxon tonight in the dining room. I grab several pairs of jeans and blouses. I grab a single pair of flats and all of my toiletries. I finish up my packing and look at the clock, I have ten minutes before dinner. I brush through my hair and hope to look half way presettable. I walk down to the dining hall and Maxon is waiting for me when I get there.
"Am I late?" I ask.
"No, I was just early."
He pulled out my chair and I sat down and he pushed me in, "thank you."
"No problem," he says smiling as he sits down next to me. "I've arranged for you to leave at 9:00 tomorrow morning, is that okay?"
"Yes Thank you," I say as I raise my spoon to my lips.
"Are you Okay?" He asks, seeming suddenly very concerned.
"Yeah, I just need to sort some things out. I feel like since my name got called for the selection, my life has never slowed down. I just need a second to breath."
He smiled and said, "I know the feeling."
"I know," I say smiling.
"I feel like you going home, will be a good thing." He says suddenly.
"Oh yeah? Why do you say that?"
"I feel like it will give both of us a perspective on the whole situation," he says, and I smile thinking about how or ideas are so similar.
"Exactly," I say.
We finished our meal and Maxon walks me back to my room for the night.
"I'll see you in the morning," Maxon says.
"Okay," I say.
"Promise you won't get in any trouble?" He says.
"When have I ever gotten in trouble?" I say.
"Well I do have a list and it is alphabetized," he says joking.
"Is it?" I say smiling. "I'll be okay."
"I know," he says.
"I should probably get to bed," I say.
"Good night," he says and he leans in and kisses my cheek. I step into my room and close the door. I hum as I brush out my red hair in front of the vanity. I take off my dress and slip into a blue silk night gown. I use a wipe and wipe off all my make up from the day and climb into bed.
I'm woken up by my maids walking around my room and the bright Angeles sunlight streaming through the window. I stretch my arms and sit up, still trying to wake up all the way. Mary pulls me up as soon as she sees me awake and starts on my hair and make up. She does a simple braid in my hair and light make up, this feels so me. I put on jeans and a blue loose shirt. I slip on a pair of comfortable flats and Mary goes to get my breakfast. A few minutes later she comes back with a fruit bowl and French toast, which I eat super fast. I'm so excited to see my family again, I can hardly stand it. I grab my suitcase from the corner and I am ready to go to Carolina.