2Doc Oneshots

First Love / Late Spring

this is quite a long one and deals with many emotions and feelings. just read it and you'll see why

oOo

What is wrong with me? Why am I not good enough for him? Why is... Ace, of all people, good for him? I love him. Why doesn't he love me back? Since Murdoc returned from jail, he and Ace have been all over each other.

I sit on the sofa with my knees to my chest, writing in my journal. I have about twenty at the most, all filled from front to back of how I feel not good enough. One is filled with song lyrics and stuff related to Murdoc. That's now public, but nobody knows it's about Murdoc. They suspect it. I see their theories. They've had this thing involving Murdoc and myself for years now, but they'll never know the full truth.

I don't even know the full truth. Was there even something between us before he went to jail?

I hate to admit it, but I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the way he treats Ace. I'm jealous of the way Ace's brain works. He isn't constantly depressed, nor does he constantly threaten to off himself because he doesn't get what he wants.

He has what he wants. He has what I want.

Murdoc hates me though, I think. Why else would he have argued with me the day before he left?

ABOUT US?
ABOUT YOU!

SELFiSH

I'm SORRY Too

I'm sorry. I depended on him and everyone else to save me. I would have never deserved him, no matter how much I needed him.

Now I know that I don't need him, or anyone. I don't even need myself.

"What are you doing?"

I flinch at the voice. "Uh... n-nothing. Writin'. Yeh, writin'," I say, and he frowns. I stand up and begin to leave, but he grabs my wrist.

"Stay."

"I can't."

He looks hurt.

"Please," he begs and I shake my head. "I'm sorry, Murdoc, but I can't."

He doesn't try to stop me as I go to my bedroom. I want to stay, but if I do, he'll see how hurt I am.

It isn't his fault, though, it's my own. It's my own fault for falling in love with someone who doesn't want me back.

"You know, you aren't the only one who's hurting."

Easy for him to say. He doesn't know the full extent of my problem. I ignore him and continue writing. He sits on my bed as if I don't know he's still in my room. "Why are you in here? It's not like you... care about me..." I mumble, writing more frantically until my pencil breaks. Fuck. I don't have another one.

I close the journal and put it in one of my desk drawers. "That's where you're wrong 2D, because I do care. Way more than I should."

I scoff, seeing through his lies. "You can't fool me. I know when you're lying. Your nose twitches when you lie," I tell him after turning around. He touches his deformed nose in disbelief, frowning when it is in fact twitching. "That proves nothing! I'm not lying this time!"

I scoff again and walk out of my room, only to run into Ace. My face reddens when I remember what he and Murdoc did last night.

Why am I thinking about this? I want to forget it, but it's probably etched into my brain forever.

"I-I'll just go," I say and dart downstairs, then out the door.

"Why do I love him?" I whisper to myself as tears begin to cascade down my cheeks. I don't mean to cry, I'm just so fucking frustrated and angry and hurt. I sit on the steps and put my face in my knees, finally letting myself truly sob.