2Doc Oneshots

Broken

tw: suicide attempt, mentions of self-harm/anorexia, mentions of a suicide attempt.

set in phase 2

oOo

Nobody ever questioned his silence; no that there was a need to, of course, but at least someone would have considered acknowledging him. Nobody ever did: no one ever wanted to, and he was fine with that. He didn't care. He didn't want anyone to care, either. He felt like he bothered everyone by simply existing.

He couldn't say anything, fearing that he'd be called out and accused of being attention-seeking. He felt like his heart was slowly breaking until he couldn't take the pain anymore.

His attempt was late at night while everyone was asleep. Everyone except the person who he loved the most. But he wasn't loved back and it hurt.

Murdoc was doing his normal strolling of the building when he heard a crash coming from 2D's bedroom. Figuring he'd simply fallen and was unable to move, he walked down and opened the door. "2D?" he questioned, but there was no answer. No sign that he was alive, so Murdoc had no choice but to search around the small room.

He found a notebook lying next to 2D, but wasted no time in grabbing the notebook and carrying 2D up the stairs and into the Geep, where he was laid in the backseat. Murdoc quickly drove to the hospital, fearing the worst, but as he sat waiting for any news, he began to read the notebook. He knew it was an invasion of privacy, but he didn't care. There had to have been something explaining to completely random attempt.

The first page was filled with so many words that Murdoc had a hard time reading it.

I'm so broken that I can feel it. I mean physically feel it. This is so much more than being sad now. This is affecting my whole body. I'm so fucking tired of pretending that everything is okay. You don't realize how lonely you are until it's the end of the day and you have so many things to say but no one to say them to. I'm used to it, though. I'm used to hurting. It's my fault for loving someone who will never love me back.

Murdoc turned the page, only to see more words on the back.

I'm struggling to hide how truly damaged it am. I'm struggling to hide my feelings. I'll get fucked over no matter what I do, so I'm left to suffer. You've stabbed me in the chest and it hurts like hell but I can't escape it. I can't escape you and I'm trapped. You've trapped me, made me think you actually cared, but you never did, did you? I love you but you don't love me. You don't need me. Nobody does, but you not needing me hurts the worst. I trusted you to make me happy, but you ruined it for me. How can I trust you when you lie to me? Some nights I can't sleep because of you.

You've made me feel like shit and I always forgive you because I'm in love with you. It's one-sided, though, so it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore.

I remember one night when I was upset and you came into my room and held me, but you shouldn't have. I didn't deserve it. You'd finished shagging some bird with a breast size that was too big for her figure. Do you know what jealousy feels like? It feels like someone stabbing you in the chest and twisting the knife. You've never been jealous of anyone, have you? If you have, have you been so hurt that it makes you sick? That it makes you cry yourself to sleep? Because when you'd come into my room, I'd been crying. You asked me why I was crying, but I ignored you. I wanted you to leave me to cry alone.

I can't tell you any of this because you'll reject me. You'll call me a poof, so I'm not going to tell you. And if you ever happen to find this notebook, I will burn it because it's filled with thing you should never see. Yes, I'm gay. I'm going to be killed for it if anyone finds out. Well, Noodle knows, and she didn't kill me. Funny thing is, she said she'd known all along. She was proud of me for being brave enough to do such a thing.