There is nothing I'll ever wish for more than waking up every damn day for the rest of my life beside her. Yesterday, we fell sleep,Her on top of me,if only she knew how much of a bliss I feel every time we sleepover. I'm almost sure that everyone with eyes and can see will know how much I love her,but her being the dense pixie she is, never knew. Sometimes I think it's better this way, because it's scary to think that maybe she'll feel uncomfortable because of my feelings or worst reject me and avoid me all together,. at this moment , I can't imagine my life without her, in fact my life before her was gray and colorless, I was wondering everyday on why I'm still alive, why haven't I just end the pain. But right now, this girl on top of me , with her hair on her face and holding me for dear life is the reason why I wake up, she was the reason why I found colors and accept myself as she accepted me. She is my fay.
The smell of acrylic from caramel's recent canvas, and her soft snores are on my 5 top morning bliss list.
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I stared at he new painting, it's as creative as all of her others. The technics and the talent is very professional but she refused to study art nor to show her works to the public eye. Caramel,unlike me, has many talents, she is a wonderful writer, singer, and painter, she can cook and she can shut bitches up (it's a talent).
I want to be able to provide for her financially, not just the big dream catcher i made and gave her for her birthday or the wooden key accessories that I crafted for Christmas, I want to be able to ask her on a date and buy her cute stuff. I absentmindedly stroke her hair, she is a sleepy head and never been a morning person, I can hear aunt Lucy and aunt Dita talking in the kitchen, I turned my focus away from the beauty sleep towards her journal that was long forgotten besides us. I stretch my arm to reach it, it was still in the same page, her neat handwriting adds more beauty to the words, I lost count on how much I reread it. She amazes me every day, although it annoys me how much unimpressed she is with the world, it's like she have seen it all before yet she is very interested in anything I do. She was a diehard cheerleader on my first boxing fight, and now she wants me to audition for a model? If anyone is a model material is her in my eyes, but deep down ,my gut told me, I wants to do it, at least try, they give good cash for modeling and if I get accepted, I can finally buy her a new set of fancy brushes, or take her on a date. Although, it frustrates me that I don't know if she likes girls,or boys , she is so vague and impossibly uninterested in boys or girls ! Caramel stirred in my arms beginning to wake up, her long eyelashes flatter before that beautiful soft honey irises focus on my face " morning sunshine " I told her smiling. She didn't respond but buried her face in my chest , that action made my poor heart leap and i can feel my boy shorts getting wet. I know she is not ready to wake up just yet , and I can't handle more so I carefully put her head on the pillow and grabbed a towel and some clothes i keep here because We tend to sleepover every weekend, she got her clothes in mine too . I walk to her bathroom, quickly stripping, I carefully scrubbed my body, trying not to touch my tattoo because it was still healing. When I got out , caramel was up but still sitting and looking like she questions her existence. " Cara, if I'm going to this audition, will you come with me?" I asked her, my voice involuntary small and unsure. It took her time to react, but when she did , she jumped up and down screaming yes to me . Lucy and Dita peeks from the door before shaking their heads and leaving her to it. *************** All the girls here are pretty with makeup on and awesome outfits, it made me feel like an outsider, I called my mom before coming here and she seemed not to have a problem with it. Caramel sensed my uneasiness and gives my hand a squeeze. I look down at her , her hair is falling freely , makeup free, and her outfit was just a T-shirt and black jeans with white sneakers, but she seems to lighten up the room, I can see how the girls are eying her with a hint of jealousy but like always she seems not to notice that. We sat down waiting for my name to be called, Cara slowly swinging to the sides with her eyes closed enjoying a song she is listening, I love to see her do that, it warms my heart and her peacefulness reaches me. As soon as my name was called, anxiety hits and I stood up, my feet's are wobbly trying not to look at all those girls eying me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Oh come on, it's not that bad" caramel assured me while we ride the metro to get home. " look, you got a professional photograph and all" she points at the photo the photographer in the modeling agency gave me, " you didn't see how they looked at me , I'm sure they didn't like me " I buried my face in my hands , suddenly this modeling thing became something I really wanted. " don't worry, I'm sure they do that with everyone, it's like a suspense thingy" She told me trying to separate my hands from you face, people in the metro are either looking at us with curiosity or straight up disgust. She gave up on that and hugged my side while reassuring me that everything is going to work out somehow, just I have to have a little faith, her famous phrase when I doubt myself.
