Afraid | Nikki Sixx

15.

Carly's POV

"Leave me alone, I want to go home," Vince grumbled, walking away from me. I sighed. "I want you all to get better-" "I never asked for your help, I don't want your help. I want to leave!" He cut me off, raising his voice. I flinched when he raised his voice. "I know you didn't ask but-" "But, nothing! Just leave me alone!" He yelled, walking into the guest bedroom and slamming the door shut.

I sighed and walked into my bedroom, Nikki was in there, staring at the ceiling. "Hey," I greeted him. "Hi." He coldly said. "Is something wrong?" I asked walking over to the bed, "yeah, this is the most miserable I have ever been." He said, not looking at me. "I can't have anything, I can't drink, I can't smoke pot, I can't snort blow, I understand why you wanted me to stop shooting up, but why the other things, this isn't fun." He said. "You don't need to be high or drunk to have fun." I said. "Maybe that's how you are, I understand and get that you're boring but, you don't have to make the rest of us boring." He spat, rolling over onto his side. I felt tears brim my eyes, I bit my lip and just walked out of the room.

When I walked out of my room, I was greeted with Tommy sitting on the couch, flipping through TV channels. "Hey," he said, blandly. I forced a small smile. "Hey, how are you doing?" I asked him, he sighed. "Honestly, I am miserable. I haven't drank or done anything in a week and it's driving me crazy." He said. "Well, it's only been a week, it'll get easier." I tried to reassure him. "You'll be happy you did this-" "I won't be happy that someone I don't even fucking know made me do this." He cut me off, angrily. I sighed again. "I just wanted to help." I replied. "Well, nobody asked for it. All of us are miserable." He said, not looking at me.

"Well, nice to know that I just make everyone miserable," I mumbled to myself and stood up. I walked into the kitchen to start making dinner. I opened up the cabinets and looked inside.

All I've been doing is making them miserable. I'm not doing anything to make them better. Sure, they're all sober but, they all hate me. Even Nikki. I felt a tear run down my face. I grabbed my keys from off the counter and I looked around and saw my shoes by the back door. I quickly slipped them on and then slowly opened the back door and shut it behind me. I started to walk to my car out front. I got inside and drove away quickly.

I caught my reflection in the rear view mirror. I have bags under my eyes, my eyes are bloodshot. I haven't slept that much because the guys have been up at night, they all are used to being up all night and sleeping in the morning but, that's not what I'm used to. It's been hard. My depression has been insanely bad, and with what they have been saying to me, it doesn't make anything easier.

I parked right by the park I go to when I wanna be alone and got out. I slowly walked to the swings and sat down. I don't wanna be at home right now. They clearly don't want me there either. I got to the swings and sat down. I looked down at my lap and tears steadily ran down my face. I've been staying strong for them but, I have feelings too and they're hurt.

I don't much about addiction. All I've seen is my Father and he wasn't apart of my life. I don't know how to really help people facing these problems firsthand. I'm in way over my head. I covered my face with my hands and cried harder. My sobs shook my entire body. I don't care if I'm being loud, it's not like anyone can hear me.

For a whole week, I've just been told how miserable I make them and how much they hate being around me and how boring I am for being sober, I can't take it. The breeze hit me and I shivered, it always gets colder at night, even if it is California.

I tried to get control of my crying and just ended up crying harder. I don't understand why they have to be so mean to me. I'm just trying to help. I can't do anything right, everything I do is wrong. I can't help them, they don't want help. They just want to "have fun" and I'm not fun, they made that very clear to me.

Nikki has been the cruelest. He's always making snide comments about me right in front of me, or just blandly telling me how horrible I am for doing this to him.

I can't win. I never can win, maybe they're right. Maybe I am boring. Maybe I shouldn't be so clean all the time. That definitely won't make Nikki stay around. I need to do something to make him stay around.

I kicked the mulch from underneath of my feet around, I feel so useless and stuck. I don't know what more I can do. I just don't know what to do.

(a/n: thank you so much for reading. please vote, it's greatly appreciated. feedback is always welcome! okay bye👻)