I sigh as I walk through the door of the house. The room's are clean since I did so yesterday. Mom left long ago and Dad is sick and has to be taken care of. Some kind of dusease that eats away the tissue in your body or something. Taking care of him and trying to finish college is a lot of work. Once mom left because she found a rich young man to take care of her every whim, it also fell of me to pay bills and clean along with going to college and taking care of dad. Not to mention the ridicule I get from school and dad about my lifestyle.
I head upstairs to his room and open the door to see him glaring at me...already. "your late, I'm hungry, and the t.v. is fucking broke again. How about you get off your lazy ass and take care of me like your supposed to instead of sucking dick and getting fucked, huh faggot."
I take a deep breath to keep from getting upset. "Hey, dad. Food is almost done and..." I grab the remote, go to the setting and switch it back to the normal settings. "The t.v. is fixed. I had to finish an assignment before leaving school today." I then walk over and look at the machines seeing everything looks like usual. I then go about changing the bag for his catheter and then go down and get his food before bringing it back up.
Once he yells at me to get out I go to my room and take a deep breath. If you haven't guessed so far my dad hates me because I'm a faggot. He found out because I left my phone one day and my ex sent me a message about wanting to get back together. He read it and when I got home he beat the shit out of me. Since then he's always complained and hit me until it got harder for him to move around. I decide to get a shower and then check on him before going to sleep.
As I'm getting out of the shower there's a knock on the front door. I put on some sweats and walk down to find said ex mentioned a while ago at my doorstep. "Hey baby, listen I know you don't want to see me-" "get out..." I growl and he glares. "Okay look, I know you must hate me but it isn't my fault your a forgetful bitch and your dad saw. Just come back to me, I miss you Dennis." "I will not and you know why. Your a cheating bastard and I hate you."
He glowers at me and yells "fine you fucking bitch, but don't come crying to me when your left alone because nobody loves you. I only dated you because I felt sorry for your ass, no matter how tight it was!!" He leaves and slams the door. I feel tears and sqeeze my eyes closed to keep from crying, before heading upstairs. "DAD!!" I walk in just as he unglugs himself fron the machines helping him. His lungs don't work good enough on his own. "I can't live in a house with a faggot anymore..." he weezes out and I try frantically to hook him back up. "I...wish you'd never...been born. Your...a waste of space...I hate yo-" He trails off and he stops breathing. My eyes widen and I lay my head on his chest to see if its beating...but its not.
Tears run down my face and I start doing compression and mouth to mouth. After twenty minutes I stop because its not working. I'm shaking so hard I can barley stand as I make my way to my bathroom. I mindlessly pick up the bottle of pills I've been keeping and the hidden razor blade. I haven't used it in years but...
'I hate you.'
'Wish you'd never been born.'
'Can't live in a house with a faggot.'
I'm not thinking and it's like my body is on autopilot. I slowly swallow the pills that land in my hand and sit beside the tub. There's a sting on my arm but I can't seem to understand what it is. Soon warmth begins running down my arm and I look down and see the red. It's my favorite color. Somehow managing to be bright but dark at the same time. My stomach begins to hurt and my head feels funny. I grab the phone a dial a number.
"Suide prevention, how can I help?" A guy answers. My eyes close and it take me a minute to open them. "My dad hates me. He's dead now, because I'm a faggot and he can't stand me. I feel funny." It's hard to make my mouth move and my tongue is dry.
"Sir, are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?" I smile. "Blood is such a pretty color, don't you think? I haven't hurt myself in a long time, I forgot what it felt like, how nice the dark red looked when it clung to the siver blade. Do you hate me to?" I feel my eyes close again and it takes longer to open them. "I'm sleepy, I think I'm gonna take a nap, okay mister?" He yells something and then says "hey stay with me. Tell me more about your dad. You said he died, when?"
I take a breath and say "don't know, tried to do CPR for twenty minutes, it didn't work. He said he hates me, I shouldn't have been born. Do you hate me like everyone elese?" I ask softly and he says "no, of course not. Just stay with me now, okay? Its good you tried to help your dad, what was wrong with him, if you don't mind me asking?"
"I begin to giggle at the blurred colors and say "he had a disease. I had to take care of him cause mom left. I wonder where she is, mommy I miss you...come stay with me." I slowly drift off hearing the giys voice get lighter and lighter.
