That's Not Her

11. Eating your own skin is just like photosynthesis

Alec's Point of View

I never imagined Maia to be so sweet and loving. I mean with Jace I look at her as annoying. With her father I look at her as spoiled princess. with her mother I look as her as rebel. In school I look at her as selfish bad-ass. with Mark I thought of her as heartless bitch. but the moment she let me in this house it was like a  whole new person emerged. 

Her god mother Mama Kay is down right the funniest and at the same time scariest woman I've ever encountered. When Maia came down with her school bag on her shoulder I could see she really didn't wanted to go. Was her relationship with her mother really that bad? Mark told me that they didn't see eye to eye but I didn't anticipated thing to be so difficult. I tried to clear my head, she was a bitch. Remember what she did to Mark.

She is so different than what Mark told me. Did she changed after the break up? I mean I could tell the way she talked to the Shane guy that something was between them. However casual it might've been. Even though Mark said she was very deep and loved with every breath in her body.

It's just like the moment I think I have her figured out she does something completely unpredictable. Like showing me a guy Billy's house. Billy who thinks eating your own skin is just like photosynthesis. And now she dig out spray paints and asking me to paint whatever I feel like.

"I don't know what to paint. You're the artist here. Not me." I told her as she tried her hair back to put the mask on.

"I am not asking you to produce a murial. Just draw whatever you like. Or how about you right whatever you feel right now. Trust me it's not only relaxing but therapeutic as well."

"Fine. But you don't get to see what I write." I agreed putting my mask on as well.

"All my friends have their own wall here. I never see it because I know how to respect their privacy." She said. I could tell she was offended. Well like I cared. Suddenly I wondered if Mark had a wall as well but before I could asked her she went behind the pillar and started her work. So I went to look for a clean one I could deface. I found one opposite to hers even though there was one pillar in between ours. I guess it better this way. It  had a little dim light and most of its part was clean.

Write what you feel. Maia said but does she knows that giving those feelings words meant accepting them. Something I wasn't ready for.

I blinked as I realised I wrote something. I didn't even felt my arms moving untill there was a word staring back to me.

Abandoned.

In big ugly red letters I saw my truth. I guess I've felt this way since my parents got divorced after my sister's deaths and basically ignored me. It like they forgot they had another child. I don't know how long I stood there looking at that ugly word thinking about every Christmas, every birthday, everything they missed because they couldn't stand memory of losing a child while they lost another one before I heard Maia calling my name. I suddenly took the can and painted all over that word. I was not ready. Not yet.

"I'm here. You can come and see this. I don't really care."  I called out. As I wrote homesick over the red paint. It was true. I was homesick.

"Wow. You really don't know how to draw. Remind me to give you some lessons." Maia teased. She starred packing all the paints back into duffle bag she borrowed from Shane. She tried to zip the bag when one can tell and rolled off. I raced after it before it could go any farther.

"Alec let's go. It's getting late." I could hers the panic in her voice. Why was she in so much hurry? It was only...I leaned back to a pillar as I checked my phone. Dammit it was 2 o clock.

"Let's go Alec. Right now." Maia stroked towards me to pull me by my hand. Ok something was definitely up.

"What happened? Why are you panicking?" I asked pulling back but she didn't let go of me. Neither did she let to face her when I was talking to her. She made a real effort to keep my eyes forward.

"Nothing. We should really go. It's starting to drizzle. I can feel a storm coming." She laughed nervously ad she pushed me away from the pillars. Wait a minute. There was something she didn't wanted me to see.

As we walked away from pillars rain started  growing heavier but I still  felt like this wasn't the reason she was panicking. I mean she grew up here so a little storm shouldn't bother her so much.  I needed to go back.

"Oh. I dropped my phone. I'll be right back." I lied and jerked my arm from her grip. I ran back to the pillars when I heard her running after me yelling "don't go there dammit."

Within seconds I was standing in front of the pillar that was between mine and Maia's. On it was written one word multiple times and in multiple styles.

Maia.

The whole pillar was covered with her name. It was clear one who wrote this was in love with her. It was clear this was Mark's pillar.

"He was the one who discovered this place. We used to come her atleast once a week. Whenever I told him to write what he feels he would only write my name. I've been meaning to paint over that this weekend." Maia said in a quietly. She said all of this so casually that I wanted to murder her.

"Paint over it so you can forget him. So you can forget how much he loves you. Replace his feelings like you replace him." I asked quietly tryng to rein my temper before I hit a girl.

"Shut up Alec. You don't know what your talking about." she said turning around. she was shaking from either anger or humiliation he couldn't tell. Didn't care.

"Tell me Maia did you and Shane did it against this very wall?" I spun her around. I expected to see at least fury in her eyes but they very completely empty. Her expression was like I was discussing some random trivial fact. "Did you laughed about the guy stupid enough to love you?"

"What did you expect Alec? Do you want me to build a shrine by this wall and worship him?" She said mocking me.

"I expected you to be at least a little more considerate than bringing over guys to screw with in a place where.."

"where what Alec?" 

"you're a selfish bitch" I spat and walked away with thunder storm around me.