20. You Are Nobody

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October 1st, 2018

Dear whatever,

I realized three things this morning at school.

Firstly, I had to apologize. I couldn't see Heaven like this anymore. She was so sad. All because of me and Bree. That purple sweater must've meant a lot more to her than I thought it did.

So I guess I did what I thought was right. I bought her a brand new purple sweater and followed her into the girls bathroom where she was wiping her tears in front of the mirror. When our eyes met, an unexpected type of anger appeared across her face.

She wiped the last trace of tears on her cheeks before pushing past me, but I grabbed her arm a bit more forcefully than I intended to. Heaven replied by yanking her arm out of my grip and glaring at me with immense hate and anger igniting within her eyes. 

"Just stop it!" Her yelling caused me to flinch and take a small step backwards.

"Just because you lead a perfect life, stop making people feel low of themselves while walking around like some sort of fucking bitch!"

My face was blank, even emotionless, but I could practically feel my heart drop.

"The whole school is sick of you, that asshole of a boyfriend of yours and your pathetic friends, ruling the school as if you have some sort of power over us!" She continued to scream at me.

I had never seen Heaven Allison so angry before. She was about to explode. Maybe she already had.

I stood still and silent, my grip tightening around the shopping bag with the purple sweater inside.

"But you don't have any sort of power over us. Especially not you. You are nobody. You got that?! NOBODY!" She yelled, furiously.

She said "you" as if I was a disgusting and useless piece of crap.
I tolerated it. All of it. But her next words pushed me over the edge.

"Why don't you just go kill yourself?!"

Without saying another word, she stormed out of the bathroom and I stood there as realization settled within me, twice.

I am a monster.

And I knew today was my last day in this cold world.

Sincerely, whatever.

*****

Did Heaven do the right thing? Did Maya deserve that?

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Did Heaven do the right thing? Did Maya deserve that?

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