Divergent Werewolf

Chapter 33(Four)

Today is the funeral. The funeral of one of my pack mates. The funeral of my friend. The funeral of the one I murdered as a beast. I can't look Christina in the eyes without thinking of Will. Her eyes dim showing her heart break. It all because of me she will never see her mate. I never will get the conscious without thinking I am a murderer. I can't help but feel dirty. I should be yelled at. Screamed. Pay for my actions. No one knows though I was the one who did it except my mate. Tris. She understands and still tries to see the good in me. I can't help this aching feeling that I should keep her away from me but at the same time I am too selfish to do it. I can't resist her and I will always need her in my life. 

The clouds decorate the sky and I can't help but reflect the mood too. Christina clinging to Tris like a lifeline. Her eyes just show a hint of tears in her eyes. The way she moves almost as if she struggles to hold her own weight. Tris keeping one hand on her arm and the other on Christina's shoulder. The determination she shows to help her friend in the time of need. Will's parents are here and they show sadness in their Erudite way. His sister disheveled in a sense of manner. Her shoulders are slightly slouched and her glasses just a tip off her nose. The clothes have just the tiniest wrinkles in them. Everyone mourns for him and soon the funeral in over. We all walk over to the house and we sit there thinking how much has changed. 

The beating in my head just won't stop. I tried covering it up with my pillow but it rings loudly to hear throughout. I haven't heard of Ax ever since I turned back. I can't help but feel he is rejecting me now. I can't do anything and I am falling apart by the seams. No matter what I do it just doesn't stop the memories following back on what I did. The look Tris had when she told me. Her scared of my reaction if I was going to hurt her. I can't blame her though if she wanted to leave me. I would leave me too. I have yet to tell Christina and I don't know if I could. The beating of the one side pushes me to tell her it was me. I killed Will and then maybe have a clean conscious. The other though keeps me from saying it was me. Everyone will think I would be the monster and they would be right. I don't know what to do and I just can't tell anyone about this. I have to keep it in. There is no way I can tell anyone about this. Not even Tris.

We arrived back home. We go into the room and just sit there with the others. Christina hugging Tris while she murmurs reassuring words into her ears. Shauna clinging tightly to Zeke and  Marlene to Uriah. It so quiet that you could hear a pin drop in the room. My head hung low and down casted from the others. 

"What's going to happen now?" a voice speaks out.

All our heads snap to Christina and she looks at Tris. 

"We survive. We remember the times we had with him though it may be small to some than others. I preserve the memories we share and remember every moment we spent because forgetting them would be an insult to them." 

I look at Tris and I see her eyes glazed over going back to her past. The second person she lost to death. I didn't even ask how she was doing. 

"We honor his memory through the ways we can. We speak of his tale through history so he isn't forgotten." Uriah speaks out

"Remember his quirky knowledge he always told us." Shauna joins in

"We remember the life he spread through us." Marlene commented

"How he would always carry at least book with him and have a gleam in his eyes when he talked about the topic in the book." Zeke smiles at the memory

"We find the wolf and makes sure he knows our pain." Lynn say

Everyone looks at her wide eyes except me. I keep my head thinking what would they think if I was the wolf. I breathe in and let the thoughts come through. 

"... you think you find him?!" Zeke yells out

"You think we are going to risk our lives trying to hunt him down especially since he disappear that day." Uriah looks at her

"I will." I say at last

All head whiplash to my direction and I see Tris glaring at me.

"Pray tell how you are going to do that?" Tris uses a tone we all shrivel down to. Even Christina backs away from her a little. The fire that burning even more then normal. 

"I don't know. But I need to make it right. For all of us." I look up to see looks on everyone faces. Zeke looks at me wide eyes with shock along with Uriah. Shauna and Marlene show their fear in their eyes. Lynn looks at me curious for what I talk about. Christina looks like she is going to cry again. Tris, her eyes looking at mine like a stranger. 

"I will join Lynn in making this right."