Red ~ TWD (Daryl Dixon)

Don't Know Who I Am Without You

I don't know how far we ran, entirely too far and still not nearly far enough. The sheer volume of walkers in the area forced us to make our circle larger and larger to avoid being caught in a herd we couldn't fight our way through, but if the circumference of our circle got any larger we would cross state lines. I stopped trying to navigate miles ago. My brain was too sluggish for anything except playing follow the leader with Merle, and even that was getting progressively more difficult.

"I can't."

I collapsed to the ground on my back wheezing so loud I was sure to attract every walker in the area. My lungs burned like fire, every intake of air stoking the flames that would surely kill me. My body felt boneless. I'd long since lost feeling in my arms or legs. The thought was mildly concerning, but until I could breathe without the horrid rattling sound originating from my chest I wasn't going to worry about it.

A dull, persistent, nagging pain thumped in my head making my skull feel like it was expanding and contracting as the pressure ebbed and flowed. Black dots danced on the peripheral of my vision making nausea swim in my fragile stomach.

All-in-all I was a hot fucking mess.

Merle doubled back, looking down at me with a grim, concerned face.

"Just a little further."

I shook my head. Nope. No way. Not happening. I was staying right here for whatever time remained in my miserable life, so probably two minutes.

"Quit bein' dramatic."

The effort it took to shoot him the finger was astounding, but somehow I found the strength to persevere.

He sighed, looking around the woods. I could see the tension he carried in his shoulders. It would be dark soon so we needed to find somewhere to spend the night, and unfortunately lying on the ground in the middle of the woods completely unprotected wasn't the best idea.

I wanted to tell him to keep going, leave me behind, whatever kind of self-sacrificing bullshit I was supposed to be spouting, but my mouth was too dry and my tongue felt swollen. Complete sentences were a pipe dream, and my brother-in-law couldn't translate my delirious whimpering.

"Up and at 'em," Merle declared, ignoring my moan of protest when he pulled me to my feet.

He slung my arm over his shoulders, dragging me forward, but I pulled out of his grasp and let gravity do its thing, horrible dry heaves rippling through my body. I dug my hands into the leaves, gagging until nothing but slobber and bile dripped from my mouth. My illness was reluctant to leave me and given the day's events I wasn't surprised. A bottle of water was barely visible through my watery eyes, and I nodded thankfully.

"We have...to find...shelter," I rasped between coughing fits, stating the painfully obvious.

He hummed in agreement and hauled me back on my feet. I threw a weak arm around his shoulder doing my level best to walk like a big girl, but my feet were determined to snuff out every possible tripping hazard.

"Pick up yur damn feet Firecracker!" he chastised, barely catching me before I ate shit when a tree root came out of nowhere and tried to kill me.

"Go fuck yourself Captain Hook."

The next time I tripped he let me fall, and I wasn't even mad. Horizontal was much better than vertical at the moment.

"Jesus." He bent down, intending to grab me, but paused, eyes focused on something behind me. "Stay here."

I snorted. Where else would I go? I could hardly see much less move. Hershel was right, I needed rest. The moment the veterinarian's name floated into my mind my chest squeezed in anguish. He was gone, dead.