Red ~ TWD (Daryl Dixon)

Death Is Only the Beginning

The reprieve the race provided lasted until we drove through the gates of Alexandria. The moment we crossed the threshold of the fortified community the constant rain clouds following us around returned with a vengeance. The change was swift and noticeable. The group's laughter died down until there was nothing but awkward silence in its place. There was a tense feeling floating in the air that put everyone on edge. We all went our separate ways, pretending we didn't feel the weight of the world on our collective shoulders, and it was back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Carol smoked on her front porch swing, a cloud of smoke and self-loathing surrounding her.

Morgan silently returned to practicing Aikido in the field every morning and afternoon like clockwork.

Billy Ray reported for his guard shift promptly each morning, hoping to prove his worth to the people he'd spurned by lying.

Gabby walked the streets, offering spiritual guidance to those in need while totting a semi-automatic rifle.

Essentially, life went on, one stress filled minute at time.

Early the following morning I walked up the porch steps, silently sitting down next to Carol. She took a long drag of her cigarette, fingers absently tracing the rosary in her hand. Bracing my forearms on my thighs I took a measured breath, eyes roaming our somber community. There were a thousand little things wrong right now, but one in particular weighed heavy on my mind. Mainly because it involved my husband.

"You can't just leave," I stated bluntly, not making eye contact with her.

She didn't refute my statement, and I exhaled harshly. I'd hoped I was wrong, that she wasn't planning on running, but I saw all the confirmation I needed in the way her shoulders slumped forward in shame. I knew how hard the aftermath of the Wolves and Saviors attacks were for her. In my eyes she'd done what she had to in both situations, but she wasn't so sure. In her head she played the events over and over, looking for alternatives, for mercy where she'd delivered death.

"At least talk to him first." If Carol left everyone would be heartbroken, but no one more than Daryl. "You owe him that."

She took another inhale from the cigarette, holding the smoke in for a second before blowing it out through her nose. "I don't know if I can."

"You can," I insisted.

"Why aren't you trying to stop me?"

The tone of her voice made me turn to face her. She looked on the verge of collapse, both physically and mentally. I may not think running would do any good, but I wouldn't take the option away from her. I knew how hard it was to live with the things you'd done. It suffocated you, haunted you. Sometimes running was the only way you could breathe.

I stood, ignoring her question. "Please don't leave him with nothing."

It took me a half-hour to find Merle who was standing guard at the back gate. I climbed the ladder, scanning the immediate area. It was quiet, no walkers or people.

"Abraham and the nerd leave yet?" I nodded, using my hand to shield my eyes from the sun. "Still don't get why he took that guy."

To say Billy Ray and Ariel's relationship was strained was an understatement, but the one-time fake scientist was determined to make amends. He could have just said he was sorry, but instead, he decided instead to prove his usefulness to his former protector.

Speaking of former protectors, I sighed watching Apocalypse Barbie leave Spencer's house. She kept her head down while she practically sprinted down the street in an attempt to get inside before anyone witnessed her walk of shame. Living here was like living in an episode of All My Children.