Affinity

Chapter 1: Let Me Talk

            

I hope ya'll like this new book...

My affinity towards him was a point of contention I'd long ago put off thinking about, it simply didn't matter. He wasn't mines; I don't think he even belonged to himself. In all the years we'd been in each other's casual presence he'd let me in a inch just to retreat a mile within the next breath. I thought back to just last night when I'd told him the unthinkable. It wasn't a moment I was necessarily ashamed of because it needed to be said, had been held back for years because of young fear that collapsed lungs, but I did it.

            It was 12:20 at night and I was up studying for a final at the end of the week when he called. He called most nights, I wasn't alarmed, nor did my heart skip a beat, I just answered.

" Wassup fam?" I put the headphone in my right ear as I flipped the page in my psychology textbook, pretending I really cared about the correlations between REM sleep and daily life.

" Am I interrupting your studying?"

" Now you know the answer to that good and well, what's wrong?" Alarm still was devoid of my being.

"Come let me up."

            " Sir, let you up where?"

" I'm at ya door." Now my heart skipped a beat, I was happy, full-blown excitement hadn't showed up yet though.

" I'll be right down." He'd seen me in sweats before; I wasn't changing. He'd seen me in a headscarf before; wasn't about to unwrap my hair.  Never wore makeup, wasn't about to start; I didn't need to change anything around this man. I secretly knew that was one of the reasons I was attracted to his presence the way I was.

            I threw on a sweatshirt and shuffled my study materials from the floor where I'd been sitting cross-legged, to the desk I rarely used.

I traipsed down the steps, noting that I wasn't running but certainly wasn't slow-stepping it either. I stood on my tips toes to look through the quarter size glass that flanked the top half of the front door to the duplex I lived in, just to make sure he was there. I was a young black woman, who lived in West Philly, letting an intruder in wasn't exactly my goal in life. I smiled as I caught his gaze, bit my lip at the left corner, and opened the door for him.

            He smiled back as I opened the door and I stepped aside to let him in; I closed the door and locked it before I turned to him and opened my arms. Be mindful that a word had yet to be spoken. He obliged and brought me to him. As his arms grasped my waist and I attached my arms to his neck I felt the feeling of 'home' that I'd always found in him.

" Hey pretty lady." He pulled my chin up and kissed my forehead in the same spot he always did, above my right eyebrow closer to my hairline than the former. I openly wished he'd opted for my lips but I wasn't greedy.

            " Hi Rah." I damn near sang his name, again I wasn't ashamed, had never been so in his presence and I wasn't about to feign bashfulness now. We went up the stairs to my apartment and we went through the same charade we had downstairs, a hug included, we could never help ourselves. I broke away and turned towards the door, locking it before leading the way through the living room, to my bedroom. He'd been in my house too many times for me to count and all but three times that I could recollect were inside of this bedroom, I wasn't gonna let last night's admission change a habit we'd kept for this long.

            I sat down at the head of the bed half way snuggling under the covers. He sat at the foot for a second before coming next to me at the head of the bed, his shoes being kicked off before he made the journey.

" You good?" I turned towards him in the center of the bed with a half grin.

" We gotta talk." He was beating around the bush; he was the one feigning normalcy because I was perfectly fine.

" I figured that much Raheem, I was pointing for you to speak ya piece."

            " Last night you told me something-"

" Yes, I'm fully aware of this fact."

" Aye, give me a minute Abla." He grabbed my hand to halt my speech and I shut up good and quick.

" We've known each other how long now? Three years? Why were we playing games?" I held up my hand to stop him and interjected despite his previous admonishment, " Let's point out here that I wasn't playing, last night was my way of letting you know my patience waiting on you to speak up was about to wane past repair. So I wasn't playing I was assessing the climate. Now go head."

            He licked his lips and chuckled at me softly, I stared at him stone-faced.

" Abla Jamieson Ever I've loved you since day one. Never have you seen me entertain a female in those years whether you were in front of me or not. Now last night you got me, I'll admit, you caught me by surprise. But you hit that shit right on the nose, because I love you too, always have."

            Ok. Cue the excitement, it had finally arrived, and extinguish the butterflies before I puke in this man's face in a torrent of glee. I stared at him. Closed mouthed and lucid; at his brown eyes and deep skin, his close cut and inviting lips. I glanced at my psychology textbook on my desk just so I could assure that this was real, a diagram of the different levels of sleep was open faced and I knew this was true life. I smiled slowly, sure of myself as a weight lifted.

" Oh do you now?" I was a smug something but I deserved the prod because I'd spoken the words first. I'd thrown caution and fear to the very literal Philadelphia wind and said what he couldn't speak.

            " Stop playing." The words were short and sweetened by a kiss, the first kiss between us. I was in my lane, in the movement I'd known was destined since day one I laid eyes on him and he on I. I drew back and again glanced at my psychology textbook, double checking that this was reality for sure. He leaned against the headboard and looked up at the ceiling, he reached his hand to grab mines as I smiled and followed his lead.

" I love you Raheem." There it is.

" I love you Abla." And there it goes.

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