Affinity

Chapter 14: Trust Him?

Because I promised ya'll a chapter today....

Jazmine threw me a sidelong glance as Raheem related the meeting that'd happened days earlier. I sat next to my sister gazing at Rah with an onlooker's intrigue just as she was. The meeting with Jaelyn had solidified us as one again, despite my brother's insistence to extract me from his side, Rah had rekindled his glue-like attachment to me. The feeling had been sorely missed.

"What is it with you two?" Jazmine was referring to me and our brother, the vice grip applied to our relationship willingly on both sides.

" Jaz, I had nothing to do with this." I cast my eyes low for the shame attached to the crimes Hakim had committed on my behalf was too much to bear. I did not ask to be his liege, his pet project to obsess over and justify horrendous decisions by.

" I know you didn't , but still... this shit is crazy. I mean I knew whatever bond ya'll had was some tough stuff, but he really taking this beyond what I could've ever imagined. What's his whole thing?" I knew what Jaz was referring to. The protective bond Hakim and I had always had was one I just assumed was normal, but these new heights were certifiably crazy, I was not delusional enough to not count his repeated behavior as anything but.

" Control. Control and a twisted love." Jaelyn spoke for the first time as he sat in the corner of the room. As I said his name in my head I felt the letters of his moniker spell out in front of my eyes, dancing syllables of a former stranger, who sought to dazzle with candor and truth unknown.

" Delusion upon delusion." Jaz shook her head as she followed Jaelyn's words, still side eyeing him as she peeked past my frame. We were all huddled in my living room as we mulled over the incredulous situation for the umpteenth time. I was still livid, but toxic rage had subsided when I realized murderous thoughts and analyzing this situation wouldn't get me anywhere. Instead I spoke in riddles of excellence to myself that made me feel like the truth Jaelyn related was an unimportant fact. Jaelyn who sat next to Raheem in the armchair I had sitting under the windows with the most curious look of sureness on his face. I had never felt such self-assurance as the aura Jaelyn gave off, the obligation he had to me that'd once felt creepy was now a calming presence. A marvelous outcome from a twisted beginning.

" Look, he seems to be gone for the moment, that's what I'm focused on." Raheem released a breath, and I followed instinctively.

" You trust him?" Jaz whispered in my ear in reference to Jaelyn's presence, me allowing him into my home should've shown her I had enough trust, but since she'd asked I'd relate the same verbally as well.

" Enough." Was the response I was sure of and could get behind.

" And Rah?"

" He may be more on board with him than me at this point." It was true. Rah believed Jaelyn, effectively forgetting his feeling of betrayal towards me while accepting Jaelyn as a solution rather than a problem. Jazmine seemed to accept this answer and sat back in contemplative silence. She continued that silence for the rest of the night, with slight glances in my direction to assure I was as ok as could be. Her sister senses made her overly aware of my fake calm demeanor. I gave her impasses that showed that through the clutter of my mind sanity still lurked behind confused thoughts. I did this many times as the night drug on, our malleable forms slipping together and apart as we let the conversation drift away from Hakim.

We let hours pass without speaking his name, a conscious effort we'd all silently put our effort into because the reality of it all was deafening at times to the point of incapacitation. A feeling of immobilization could fuck around and snatch our breath permanently when stuck on the thought of my brother too long. So we all did our part in steering the conversation as far away from him as possible. Throwing anecdotes of childhood, and the furtive plans of our future as attention grabbers to focus positive energy on.