Affinity

Chapter 46: The End

     

       " Ayo, ya'll betta fix ya'll faces into some hysterical messes right about now before ya'll mom come over here and snatch ya'll up. And I am not, I repeat, NOT, gonna stop Ms. Shelia neither."

" I'm done acting, I played my role. The only show I needed to put on was for the police and I did so, I don't have shit left to give at this point." I responded to Trey's nonsense before shrugging my shoulders and leaning back into Rah, his hand slipping down my side and resting on my hipbone.

" I could give bout two fucks about a show, ding dong the wicked motherfucking witch is dead! He was my brother and I loved him for more years than I despised him but when he turned that shit on Ab, that was it for me. No turning back." Jaz made and x with her arms crossed in front of each other before resting the limbs on her belly as she sat across from us in the hospital waiting room.

" We should've ignored ya wishes from jump and showed up ten deep, we knew this was gonna happen." Pap spoke up from the other side of me, exasperation on his face as he stared in the direction of my parents' barely standing forms as detectives continued to take their statements. I'd coaxed tears down my face by the bucketful upon their arrival behind everyone else fifteen minutes ago, but now I felt anger bubbling. They were crying over a son who'd twisted his familial love for me into a romantic one, and used deadly means to act on it. I continued to be nowhere near amused.

" So ya'll all could get shot Rick! Never was that gon happen, Jay wasn't even supposed to get hit, if anyone was to die over this it should be me. Jay is only alive because he put me first and pushed me to the ground, fucking with Hakim's aim. Had any variable leading up to that changed, even slightly, it's likely Jay and I wouldn't even be here, and Hakim would be smiling in ya'll faces a triumphant motherfucker."

" He would've never hurt you." Jaz spoke up once more, that initial jealousy for our brother's affection towards me devoid of her voice; the words just somber fact.

" If he'd killed Jay, I would've been eating a gun by my own accord." I visibly felt the air still around us as Rah's arms tensed around me.

" Abbie." Jaz gripped my niece tighter, the fabric bunching between her fists.

" Just like that?" Pap tapped my forehead with his middle and forefinger in annoyance of my admission, but all I could offer was a nodded head.

" You'd leave me?" The pain in Rah's voice brought tears to my eyes once more. I know my words were selfish in nature and tone, but it was the truth as only I could offer it. I couldn't lie to those in front of me.

" I don't think I could handle losing another brother." I felt the palms of my hands heat up within one another as his face fell into crestfallen despair, a slow resentment in his gaze.

" But you'd leave me." This time the statement was removed and plain, no question in sight.

Rah was up and off to the elevators before I could process his words. Leaving him had crossed my mind only when the thought of carrying both Travis' and Jay's death at my expense ran through my mind, but it was a full thought, not a sudden utterance. It's a self-serving thought that thankfully didn't have to come to fruition, but it was the only way my mind worked out to absolve myself of that mountain of guilt if push had come to shove.

" Think of all the times you pushed him away for your guilt, but pulled him back for love. That love you obsessed over quietly for years and ran away from on multiple occasions because it was all encompassing in ways you didn't previously account for. It doesn't all need to work on your timeline, everything does not need your approval, but you gotta open ya eyes mama and see, really see! Rah had you in the wake of his brother's death, his flesh and motherfucking blood off the strength of his love for you. I told you once, and ima tell you again, don't fuck up the real thing by running." Pap's voice rose and fell in appropriate intervals as he scolded me for my inconsiderate thoughts, and in turn, words.

Of course this all just caused the tears to flow faster as I wallowed in self-pity as Jaz and Trey offered semi-comforting words from across the aisle.

" I ain't gon say he was wrong in what he said, but he could've delivered it just a little more gently." Trey avoided eye contact as I muffled my cries with both hands clasped in front of my mouth, a futile effort as I could still hear the animal like cries bouncing off of the linoleum covered floors and white washed walls. Hell, the chairs were even lowly rumbling from the shake of my emotionally confused wracked body.

" Abbie it's okay, it's all gonna be ok, I get it." My sister was probably the closest person to being able to feel what I felt right now, but even her outstretched hand resting on my knee didn't provide an ounce of comfort, I was inconsolable.

Without a word to either of them I sprung from the chair on the way to Jay's room to go crawl into his bed and cry until sleep took over; I'd officially reached my limit for the day.

" Abla!" I heard a voice call my name but I couldn't place the voice of the figure twenty feet from me so I plowed on without responding.

" Ms. Ever." The figure caught my arm in their hand, " It's Lance remember, the EMT who brought you in." His smile dimmed as I cleared my vision of tears and nodded my head in recognition, my tongue too heavy to lift and pronounce words.

" Are you okay?" Eyebrows scrunched together in what I assumed was genuine concern didn't lift my mood any.

" I'm fine, thanks." I slid my arm from his grasp which caused his own slow recoil in reaction.

" I'm just about to head out, just wanted to come up and say goodbye. Ya know, offer my condolences once more." His right hand slid to the back of his neck sheepishly as he stepped forward once more, renewed eagerness at my steadfastness.

" I appreciate all you did, I hope you have a good night." I smiled dimly a smile that showed only my top row of teeth before breezing past him once more.

" But Ab!" His voice hit my back a little too familiar and I tensed visibly before turning my head over my shoulder, not even giving him the full attention of a hundred and eighty degree turned body.

" It was only you, and never was there gonna be a you without him." I turned my torso slightly at the first half of his sentence trying to catch the meaning before the gun he'd pulled from the small of his back made itself known with two bullets expelled in my direction, hitting me in the torso and chest, knocking me to the ground in the process. As my breathing shallowed and all thoughts ran toward the inevitable I couldn't help but think about the severe jinx I'd brought on myself with my admission only minutes ago. I'd die without meeting my niece, marrying Rah, or making Jay and Jaz suffer through a pregnancy with me; tears of all that could've been slipped out the corners of my eyes as triage was applied to me. Leaving Rah hurt my heart terribly to the point of gasping breaths as I screamed his name as blood continued to leak from my wounds, it was futile to keep on how I was but I couldn't control the urge. When Travis' hand lay heavy on my chest slowing my breaths I accepted I wouldn't see my beloved again, our story, as I had predicted, would end before it even really started. 

Is this the end?