Affinity

Chapter 12: Sharing is Caring

I legit love writing this book...

" Raheem..." I lost my train of thought after that because I couldn't form the words to carry it through. How could I tell my man my brother had intended to kill him too that night? But I also couldn't hide that knowledge in my mind for too long, a silent truth of that caliber would likely do some damage I'd wish to avoid. Trusting Jaelyn's words wasn't a sure bet yet though either, so until more proof surfaced I 'd keep all to myself.

" Wassup baby." Raheem exited the bedroom and came to greet me at the door. A long hug followed, I released a breath into his shoulder as I let a sliver of relief wash over me. Raheem was safe and sound, his flesh bound presence before me confirmed that life still ran through him; I had never been so happy to listen to someone breathe.

The night ran on with normal dealings. We ate, we talked, we laughed until our cheeks hurt. It was only as I found myself stuck on the body of a complex English paper on Aristotle's " Golden Mean" theory that I again let my mind wander to Jaelyn's words.

" Who did Travis work for?"

" What?" The line flew from his mouth with shock and slight annoyance as he raised from his laying position on the couch. He muted the television and looked on me with fresh eyes as I sat Indian style on the floor with my laptop on my lap. I cursed his gaze for making me nervous about this conversation, but I cursed my brother even harder for making this conversation a topic at all. This harmful, painful conversation was not of my making but here it was in my foreground nonetheless.

" Who did Travis work for? In all these years, in all I've been privy too in regards to his dealings, I have never known who he was employed by." I kept my eyes in my textbook, which is why I wasn't surprised when Rah's hand swiped past my face in search of my chin to force our gazes to meet.

" I don't know Abla, I never knew either. Why is this all of a sudden on your mind? Where is this coming from?" There was quality quizzical apprehension in his tone, a brand of his that was strong and clear. He had no ulterior motives or hidden agendas, my baby, ever the straight shooter.

" I can't get him off my mind Rah. None of this is sitting right with me, I need to know." I decided to hide the occurrence of Jaelyn's visit for now, I had nothing but the word of a stranger and as of now that was not sturdy enough ground to base a foundation on.

" Look Ab I know you loved Travis, I know that. He loved you too, that is a fact. But you cannot, I repeat cannot, let his death consume you. You can think of him, every day I find my brother's memory somewhere, but his death is not on me, it's not on us." I knew that. I swear I knew it had not been me who'd released the bullets that ended his life. So why did it feel like I had a hand in his demise?

" I'm trying baby." It's the only concession I could offer and I think he sensed this. He could've chosen this time to admonish me or dismiss my feelings entirely, but he didn't. I could hear it in his tone, and witnessed it through his gaze; his abundant empathy for me shined brightly. Guilt was starting to seep in and bust my seams of silence as he showed the measure of his love and compassion towards me knew no bounds. It was in this moment I buckled and caved, allowing all information to be shared between us.

" I saw Jaelyn today." Was the rip that tore all sutures open.

" Let's go." There was no good morning or other greeting, but a short phrase to begin my day. I woke up and threw back the covers to awaken further as I watched Raheem's frame disappear from view. He wasn't mad, that was a point he'd made clear the prior night, but he was confused and that was leading to his new distance towards me. I tried my hardest not to take his emotion to heart, after all it was a natural reaction, one I held no ill will against him for. But this, this right here, was fresh pain on my heart. It was cyclical fractures of the snowflake variety, each pang of pain unique on it's own.

I climbed into the shower and cried as the water drowned out the sound of my muffled woes. I wanted that closeness and love from Rah that I had always had, not this forlorn look he had in his eyes for me now. I was being held accountable in part for my brother's actions, actions I knew nothing of, from a brother I barely knew. I'd be hard pressed not to fight Hakim myself if he ever decided to show himself in my presence again. But these were far-fetched glances in a rearview that would never truly be clear, to look back for a past I didn't know would soon suffocate me if I allowed it.

" Jaelyn." I practiced saying his name as I listened to the phone ring. We weren't friends, acquaintances, or of any relation, but Jaelyn kept popping up. He had a loyalty to me that was fierce, and that alone was questionable, but Raheem had insisted. He had insisted to have this talk with this man. To re-do the conversation that Jaelyn had had with me the previous day for his discernment. Which is exactly why both of us were up at the crack of dawn before our official days began to go and find this man.

" Hello..Ab are you ok?" There was no room for my response in the two second interval between Jaelyn's hello and then stark inquiry into my well being. He was ever trying to protect me, and now I was starting to seriously sense a hidden loyalty that I really needed to take weight in.

" Hey Jaelyn. We need to talk; me and Rah wanna meet up. I know it's early and all but this can't wait."

" Wassup, say when and I'll be there. I'm getting dressed now."

" Oh ok, I'll text you." I was stunned by the cooperation. So much so that I hung up quickly and dropped the phone before an alternative outcome could befall the situation.

" What he say?" A yell from the other room showed Raheem was still catching my words.

" He said text him an address." I fought to hide the tinge of annoyance in my voice as I threw a sweatshirt over my head in a huff. I fumbled into leggings and sneakers before throwing my curly hair in a bun. I made a mental note to stop neglecting my mane of natural curls and profess some braids to give myself less to worry about. Alas that was a far off thought for a less stressful moment in my future, if such a moment even came.

" I love you Abla." And just like that he was on a knee by my side as I sat on the edge of the bed. He laid his head in my lap and kissed the fabric over my thigh. I loved his tone and accepted his lukewarm apology for his crass demeanor, this was a moment in time not the summation of the rest of our lives after all.

" I love you too baby." I sighed and caressed the side of his face with my hand.  

Is Rah wrong for taking out his anger on Abla?

How's the sitdown with Jaelyn gonna go?

I'm excited about this story....how bout ya'll?