Affinity

Chapter 36: Doubts and Insecurity

" Who pissed in ya cheerios sis?" Pap observed my demeanor as I walked into his store a full minute before the others, my avoidance of them clear in the air.

" Hoes was trying me today Pap, I saw me catching a case written so clearly in the air I had to legit sit on my hands to prevent that shit from real deal happening."

" Just point em out Ab, I ain't got no picks that's for sure." A shotgun materialized in his grasp and I bellowed a genuine laugh in response.

" Chill Rambo, wasn't shit I couldn't handle. It was just an irking scene that added to an already irritating and trying week." My favorite drink was now deposited on the counter and I took a minute to twist the cap and swallow a swig.

" I wanna hear everything." Pap sat on a stool and looked at me intently as he waited for me to tell him all that was wrong with me. I was poised to give Pap the whole rundown with nothing omitted, when my big-headed ass brother walked through the door.

" Hold that shit sis." His hand flew to my mouth and I rolled my eyes before responding, " ya dirty ass hands dawg, fuck is you doing?"

" First off don't try and play me little girl. Second, Pap come ride out with us, we gotta have this whole conversation as a group."

" Why, you and Rah got more hoes waiting in the wings?" A bitter line wafted off my tongue and floated in the air a minute before leveling to the floor.

" Hoes? Aye sis, Rah cheating?" Pap's gaze went faraway for a second as he ignored Jay's presence entirely before zeroing in on me for an answer.

" Naw bro, not that, just some strange happenings is all. Like big bro say apparently we'll talk it all out as a 'group'." Finger quotes were needed to service the severe attitude I was harboring.

" Aye, ride with me." Pap came around the corner and grabbed my hand leading me to his whip.

" True shit." I stuck my tongue out at Jay as we walked out the shop, locked it up, and made our way to his crown vic parked at the end of the block.

" Wassup Pap, you good Ab?" Rah yelled out the car window when he noticed me walk past the car without so much as a head nod in his direction.

" Just peachy." Was all I said as I continued to my destination, still pissed by the situation that'd brought us here.

" She said she was the company he'd kept when I wasn't fucking him Pap. That's any fucking thing to say bro, shit had me all in my feelings. He said he didn't do anything with her, but is that the truth, or just something he's telling me to make me feel better?" I vented to Pap as we made our way to Jaz's house, my mouth was bitter with the taste of insecurity as I recounted what'd happened at the mall earlier that day.

" Do you have any reason to not believe him? Has he ever shown you that you had something to worry about?" Pap was eerily calm as he guided the wheel with his left arm, his gaze steeled on the road ahead, almost as if he was afraid to look at me.

I locked my own gaze on the promise ring on my finger, twisting it as I contemplated the question posed to me.

" No. I trust him I do." The line was a quick reflex reaction that neither my mind nor heart could deny.

" All that he's shown me is love and commitment even when we were just friends, but sometimes it still creeps up on me that I had to be the one to tell him how I felt. I exercised all the patience I had in my body on waiting for that man to admit that he'd liked me since day one but fell into our friendship because of shit from both our pasts." I hadn't admitted to anyone that I was slightly bitter about having to be the one to step up and admit their feelings first. Our friendship had dragged on for years, and my admission was a last ditch effort to change that before I had to shut off my feelings and dead the emotions I had for him.