Done.

11-The end of me.

!Before we start, this is a blood warning! I know there's been blood before, but this one is worse than the previous ones.

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I'm an idiot!

Jesica and I would've still been friends if I didn't scare her away!

I'm an idiot!

I only had her..

She only had me..

I let her down and now she hates me..

I should've been there for her..

I don't deserve her, she was too good for me.

If only I would've shown her how much I cared..

We would've still been with each other.

My face is so wet, with the tears that come from me, I could fill a whole swimming pool.

I could drown in my own tears.. Is that possible? Can someone drown in their own tears?

All this time I tried to keep it up, I tried to be happy. Even though it was an act. It was something I could hold on to. Now it's gone, I can no longer play this act anymore. Where could I get the energy from?

My only friend, my best friend. She left me because she had feelings for me. She was scared that I wouldn't like her anymore, but I did. I loved her, maybe not in the same way, because we were best friends. But maybe if she just told me, I could've done something to make her happy.

We kissed god dammit.

Why would she leave me if you knew me. She knew I didn't want her to get hurt. She meant so so much to me, why did she run away?

It must've been my fault, how could it not be.

I grab my gum box and open it, the shiny silver blade just is there. It's job of sharpening pencils is no longer in use. It's got a new one. I think you know what that is.

I take the blade and pull up my sleeve.

I sigh deeply and start cutting. I'm so silent, there's no noice, just tears streaming down my face. I put the blade back and clean my arm, the today's count is 16. This is probably the most I've ever had, I was one day clean and I ruined it.

I put my sleeve back in place.

My life sucks.

Really, really bad.

I ruined all my friendships so far, my family thinks I'm a drama queen, I get bad grades in school, I can't even smile properly.

What am I still doing here?

What if I.. left.

Would they miss me?

No.

Would they cry?

No.

Would they be sad?

No.

Would they be relieved?

Yes.

Okay.. That's good to know..

I take a deep breath and look at the cabinet above the sink. It has a mirror on it, I look like a mess.

My wet eyes, my black mascara is all spread over my cheeks. My hair is a mess, my whole face is a mess. My cheeks are red from all the emotions.