Done.

32-The start of the changes

"Therapy..?" I say. It's hard to believe my mother actually said this. She wants me to start going to therapy? She noticed that I'm down? She thinks these times are too hard for me? What's going on..?! I feel my chest shrinking! This comes as a total surprise..

"Yes therapy. I think you should at least consider it. Talking to someone will maybe ease your mind a little, that way you're still able to focus on school. I just want you to be happy, Elisabeth." She says and looks at me.

"Mom.. I'm scared.. Will you think any less of me if I said that I would want to try therapy out?" I shyly ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Would you think any less of me? Will I be a different person in your eyes? Will I not be the same Elisabeth anymore? Would you think I'm weak or something? I don't know how to explain it.." I say. My heart is beating fast, I'm breathing short and quick breaths. "I was so scared that you would think I was weak if I would ask to talk to someone.." I look down.

It's weird to explain, but it's almost like I feel bad for feeling like this, it's difficult to explain. It's like I'm embarrassed, almost?

My mother places her hands on my shoulders. "Oh Elisabeth.." She almost whispers, I could hear in her voice that her heart is breaking.

She pulls me in for a hug and holds me tightly. She holds me gently, yet her arms are firmly around me. I can tell by this hug that she isn't happy with what I said.

"How could I possibly think any different of you.. You're my beautiful daughter.. It's strong to tell me how you feel and that you want to talk to someone.. That shows courage.." She starts sniffling.

"I'm sorry mom.." I whisper and hold her tightly. "It's okay.. I'm glad you've told me now." She says and strokes the hair on the back of my head.

She cups my face into her hands and pulls away from the hug. She looks at me with a smile, a smile desperately trying to cheer me up.

"Show me the hair dye that you've gotten, I'm curious." She says. I'm a bit surprised by her words, but I'm also glad that we can change the subject now.

"I-it's in my bag, I'm gonna go get it now, okay?" I ask, just to be sure, I'm nervous about what she'll think about it. I'm nervous about the fact that she could turn the idea down.

She nods shortly. "Yes, of course." She says. And I go to my bag, take the hair dye and come back to my mother.

She doesn't seem to worry about the hair dye as I thought she would, maybe that's because I'm already feeling the consequences that I thought would come? Maybe it's just because I'm that anxious about having a bad relationship with my parents, even though that would take a lot more than hair dye.

~~~

I breathe in through my nose. Fresh air does make everything better. Taking a good deep breath does make everything better. It makes things easier. That's so funny, how breathing can make all your worries fade away, even though it was just for a brief second.

When I showed my mom the hair dye she looked at me with kind eyes. She said that if I wanted to try out a new hair colour, if it was semipermanent, then it would be okay. For just this once, I was glad to hear that.

She also said that she would talk my father into is, which I'm very glad for. She is better at talking to my dad than I am. Especially now that I yelled at him.. He won't be mad at me forever right? That's not possible, I can't hate him forever and he can't hate me forever as well. Is hating maybe a word too big? Or did it really turn out to be this bad..

Even though so many things are going on right now, it's good to know that I'm not alone in all this. Alex is offering to help me. Samuel is there for me and was ready to jump in this rough boat ride, called The Life Of Elisabeth Whitmore, so me having to do everything myself is rather small.