Done.

27-Too early

"Actually, I prefer not to answer that, but I guess I'm fine. Also, how did you even get your phone back?" I ask him. He said earlier his parents took it away from him so he couldn't contact his brother.

"My mom left her purse in this room, so I asked a nurse to hand it over, that's how I got my phone. Even tho I have lipstick on my hand now." He chuckles a little.

Gosh he's so adorable..

"Lipstick on your hand?" I ask, I chuckle a little, it also made me sob a little.. I really hope he didn't notice that!

He stays quiet for probably 5 seconds. He must be thinking.. Then he responds. "Y-yeah. I must've opened it somehow or it must've been open already when I went looking for my phone."

His voice gives away that he knew I was sobbing, but that he didn't want to get into it. He probably knows I don't want to talk about my feelings.

"Sam? Do you have any idea when you can get out of the hospital?" I ask him.

"No and also wouldn't have a clue. My body still isn't really strong enough to walk and just live all on its own. So I'll be stuck to machines for a while. But the doctors also said that it wouldn't be longer than a month.."

"Luckily.." I mumble, very very sarcastically.

"if I'm lucky.." He says to finish his sentence.

"Hold on. What do you mean, if you're lucky? You think it'll take longer? The doctors think it'll take longer?" I ask. I'm sort of freaking out.

"Yes. But so far my body is doing great. So the doctors and I think it won't take too long."

"But you'll be out before Christmas right?"

"Yes, Yes, Yes of course! I wouldn't want to miss that for the world!" He yells, but since he's still very weak, he coughs right after he finished his words.

"Okay, well I wouldn't want you to miss it either.. It'd be the first Christmas on the actual Christmas days for me in years.. I want to spend them with you, plus your brother of course."

By the type of his breathing I can hear he's smiling. This makes me a little happy.

"I'm gonna go now, but I'm glad you found your phone again. I have many things to do." All I could think about what my bucket list.

"Alright, take it easy and don't forget that I care about you." He says.

What a weirdo.. Of course I know he cares about me.. Well.. Since he put his foot on it, I do.

Why is such a big deal? Does he say that because he's afraid I'm not okay because I harmed myself or something? What is he afraid of?

Anyway. I should end the call.

"Bye Sam, get well quickly." I say and then hang up.

Okay.. The plan for today. Take a shower, because I want these last bits of sadness washed off of me. It's time for a new beginning. A fresh start of things to get done.

I'll go into town and get some kind of hair dye. A new colour as a mask to hide the real me. Or at least something to help me for the thought of having the choice of being who I want to be. My own choice. No one can take it away from me.

Like how Alex has his thing to sit by the cliff, that's how I'll have my thing. Something less deadly. And yes, it's less, because the chance of my parents killing me exists.

I walk to my wardrobe and grab. A dark purple hoodie, back jog pants and new underwear. I go to the bathroom and undress myself. I look at myself in the mirror.